[The voices quiet for a moment, as if waiting for his answer. Dimitri takes a deep breath, managing to calm himself enough to answer without barking at him.]
Of course not. I shall be his blade — their blade.
[Slowly, his face relaxes back into something resembling human. Dimitri continues to look at his ghosts, wishing he could properly ask them for guidance. But he can't expect them to be coherent. They're the ones being tortured in the afterlife, all he can do is fulfill their wishes so that they can all be put to rest... and him along with them.]
Ahh, Dedue... was that truly your plan? I should never have put you in that situation to begin with.
[What other options did Dedue have? Dimitri and whatever loyalists he can scrape together are the only real hope to hold Edelgard and her demons accountable for their crimes. He doesn't even have it in him to be mad at Dedue for making the choice he did.
Dedue just watches him, sorrowful but gentle despite what he must be going through.]
[Felix had only seen Dimitri communicate with his ghosts once, bringing to mind the moment of his greatest regret. While the calm that settles over Dimitri is welcome, the circumstances surrounding them terrify Felix more than the manner in which he lashed out at him like a wild animal.
It's in light of this fear that Felix takes a deep breath and climbs back on the bed, focusing on Dimitri's vulnerability rather than the way the emotion threatens to crush his heart or the pain stinging his back at the moment.
He presses his forehead against Dimitri's shoulder, breathing in his scent.]
I'm here.
[For as long as he could manage it. He reaches for Dimitri's hand, squeezing, hoping that the contact roots him to the present rather than wherever his ghosts wish to whisk him off to.]
[Where words don't get through, touch does. Dimitri initially flinches away, but Felix's warmth and obvious lack of aggression draws him back to the moment, at least a little bit. He takes a shuddering breath, turning his face toward Felix's hair.]
...I can't give up on him yet, [he finally says, voice soft.]
I just can't. If... nothing has changed after we have used up the medicine, I will go with you.
[It's a relief that their proximity seems to draw Dimitri back into the moment, a balm for the ache in his heart. It makes Felix realize how tired he is, and it's only the morning...]
...Okay. [Felix exhales, entwining his fingers with Dimitri's.] We can stay for another few days.
[Against Felix's better judgment, he relents, never mind how likely Cornelia will be tightening security around the capital. But if it's Dimitri's "fate" to live through this, then perhaps they would be able to weather what's to come without any major issues.]
[Relieved that he won't have to fight to be allowed to hold a vigil, Dimitri's anger and energy seem to leave him with his sigh. He pulls Felix into his lap and holds onto him as if he's a stuffed animal.]
You seem so small, now.
[But that, too, is relieving. If he curls around Felix like this, it feels like he can shield him from the rest of the world.]
[It's such a huge contrast from how Dimitri has been, but Felix is more than glad to take it, letting his arms drape loosely around Dimitri's waist as he makes himself comfortable in his lap.
Dimitri is right, though. While Dimitri's always been the broader of the two of them, right now it feels like there's so much space...]
...I still have room to grow.
[Is Felix's half-hearted quip as he rests his cheek against Dimitri's chest, knowing full well this probably is the best it's going to get for him.]
[A quiet rush of air is the closest he can manage to a laugh right now, but he does it all the same. Dimitri shifts to pull the blankets around them, one hand lifting to tangle his fingers in Felix's hair.
...which there is a lot less of than he expects. The strands slip away from him, prompting a questioning hum.]
You cut your hair?
[He's been so out of it that he didn't really notice until just now...]
[Yet, at the same time, he was glad that Felix wasn't there, that he wasn't risking his life to attempt to free a man that was already broken. Dimitri's hold tightens.]
...she told me a few times that you had come for me. Sylvain and Ingrid, too. That you were all tucked away in cells of your own, that she would break you as well...
[Even now, his stomach rebels at the thought of it. Or perhaps it's just hunger making it growl, but he really doesn't think he could keep anything down. Shuddering, he takes another deep breath, trying to put the memory of Cornelia's taunts out of his mind.]
[Felix shudders, holding on tight as if it would keep his mind from wandering towards certain unpleasant thoughts. The sting that comes with Dimitri's embrace helps in a way, the pain rooting him to this less than ideal present. But it's all Felix has, and would readily seize over the alternative.]
...Do you want to lie down for a while longer?
[It doesn't really seem like any of them are hungry enough for breakfast anyway...]
[Felix sighs and moves to lie down next to Dimitri, facing him as he tucks away some loose strands from Dimitri's face, lingering a little longer than he should before he lets his arm fall to the side.]
[Suddenly exhausted all over again, Dimitri just nods and makes himself comfortable, letting himself drift in and out of sleep.
The days that follow aren't much better. He'll at least eat properly on the second day, his rapidly healing body demanding fuel. But if he isn't eating or having his wounds tended to, Dimitri just sleeps for the most part, unwilling to face reality. It's not as if he doesn't need the rest, anyway — doing nothing other than sleep and eat results in him making a recovery that's just short of miraculous. Alas, he doesn't regain full use of that eye... but he doesn't lose it entirely, either, and he retains the ability to see motion and light if not much more than that.
It's early in the evening, and they used up the last of the medicine just that morning. Leaving while it's light out isn't at all a smart course of action, but as the sun starts to sink down, Dimitri grows tense. He knows what Felix is going to ask of him, and though he still doesn't feel ready, he no longer has a good excuse to refuse, either.]
[After that disastrous morning with Dimitri, Felix just lets him be. Being this servile isn't exactly becoming of him, but when he lacks the willpower to face Dimitri's stubborness head-on like he usually would, it's the lesser of several evils.
He at least, discovers several things in the course of their unplanned, extended stay. One, is that simply being in contact with Dimitri has a way of taming that beast that threatens to go wild. It's not the same as their touches half a year ago, but it's more than anything Felix could ever ask for--a small bit of balm for his aching heart as he and Dimitri trudge on through these empty days.
Another is that Dimitri's right eye still works to an extent--a physical evidence of a change that Felix managed to affect. A cause for joy any other time, but when it serves as an explanation for this strange wave of nausea that comes and goes, Felix can't help but feel slightly bitter, wondering if this is going to be his life moving forward.
Still, the inevitable comes, and after managing to swallow down that rush of sickness that comes with the setting sun, Felix turns to glance at their now empty box of medicine before letting his gaze settle on Dimitri.]
[Much as he wishes otherwise, Dimitri is aware that Dedue won't be coming back and that they need to leave — and yet he resents Felix for saying it in that moment. The reality that waits outside that door is grim. Instead of merely having to repair the kingdom as he initially planned, at this point, Dimitri will need to rebuild it entirely. It's a long, arduous road, one that he very well might lose Felix on too if he travels down it. If he thought for even a moment that Felix would agree to it, he would beg him to just run away with him. But he wouldn't, and Dedue's solemn gaze and the cries of his family would drive him mad if he tried to escape his duty, anyway.
If they haven't already.]
I know, [he snaps, sounding more like a growling animal than a man. Dimitri grits his teeth and starts to go about putting on his traveling gear, his gaze fixed on the floor.]
[While Felix does not flinch at Dimitri's snappy response, his grip around the side of the table tightens slightly before he nods and follows suit. After double-checking their supplies packed into a bag and dragging it close to the door, he approaches the closet and takes his coat out of it--donning it without ceremony.
Once he sees that Dimitri is done, he hovers by the door, ready to open it and exit as was their plan a few days back.
---
Dimitri follows Felix in silence, an expected phenomenon as they cross the relatively short distance between the safehouse and the city walls. Felix still feels a little queasy as they trudge on, but they manage to slip out of the city through an exit only known to the royal family and the Fraldarius family.
That's when a wave of nausea truly hits Felix, blindsiding him a few steps out of the city. He stops dead on his tracks, an arm wrapped around his stomach as another presses against his temple, shivering as he sucks in a breath, not at all liking this unwelcome wave of dizziness that comes with it.
Did... Dimitri stay inside the city for longer than they have? What a time to learn this... but it's not like they can backtrack considering how unsafe the capital is.]
[Dimitri did indeed stay inside the city longer than this, considerably so. He stayed for nearly six months, and by the time he emerged from the slums, the guard had loosened up again. Leaving now before he loses the last of his sanity is quite the change.
As sullen as he's been on the way out of the city, when Felix doubles over like that, Dimitri is quickly at his side, one hand on his back with a touch as gentle as he's always been with Felix.]
[Gentle as that touch is, it does nothing to ease Felix's physical discomfort. For a moment it becomes a little too much for him, his knee sinking into the ground as he swallows, trying to keep the bile rising to this throat down.]
...I'm fine.
[He isn't, but he hopes Dimitri will allow him to pretend. Rising on shaky knees once more, he'll attempt a few steps, knowing they'll have to put as much distance between this place and them now that they're outside the city and run the risk of encountering Cornelia's patrollers.]
[It's obvious that he's anything but fine. Dimitri glances back toward the city anxiously — they can't risk turning back at this point... should he really let Felix march on like that?
He gets his answer soon enough when Felix collapses. He's quick to break his fall, having already been watching him closely. Dimitri shakes his head, kneeling down to scoop Felix into his arms, his brow rippled with worry.]
We have to put in some distance before dawn. Forgive me.
[Felix's cheeks burn in shame as Dimitri scoops him up, his stomach twisting uncomfortably as he presses a hand over his mouth to keep himself from throwing up. Pathetic. What kind of shield is he if he's the one that has to be looked after by the one he has to protect?
But Felix knows better than to protest the arrangement now, considering the delicate situation they're in.]
...I'm the one who should be sorry, [Felix whispers, lowering his head as he rests against Dimitri's chest.] Just keep heading south for now.
[With a short nod and a brief kiss to the crown of his head, Dimitri picks up the pace, walking as fast as he can without jarring Felix around and prompting him to vomit. But not long after he manages to find a good rhythm does he spot a torch too close for comfort. The clanking of armor... are they looking for him?
He'll make sure they regret turning their backs on Faerghus.
Thankfully, there's some shrubbery nearby that he can sneak into. Dimitri quietly sets Felix down and removes his own pack, making to take the sword Felix has.]
Stay here and keep your head down. I will see to punishing these traitors.
[That kiss, brief as it is, warms Felix in a manner that Dimitri's usual touch doesn't. It's a small comfort he indulges in as Dimitri takes them both down the road ahead, closing his eyes as he continues to will his stomach and head to settle.
But then signs of their pursuers come, and before Felix could protest, Dimitri hides him and their supplies, moving to take his sword.
Felix opens his mouth to say something, but it feels like bile rather than words are about to come out so he shuts it promptly, instead moving to clasp Dimitri's hand as if to stop him.
But his grip lacks its usual power, and he quickly withdraws to embrace himself, shivering slightly as he purses his lips, unsure of how much longer he could hold on.]
[That settles it, doesn't it? He can't risk having these men pounce upon them with Felix so vulnerable. Dimitri pries the sword away and presses the dagger into Felix's hand instead, taking a few practice swings before he starts toward the light.
At first, it might seem like he's going to be quick and efficient. But all he's doing is cutting down the numbers until only the squad leader remains. Dimitri tears the shirt off one of the corpses and stuffs it in his mouth, muffling the screams as he reenacts all the things that were done to him, utterly lacking any mercy.
Unfortunately for Felix, he's close enough to hear those muffled cries anyway, and he's definitely close enough to hear bones snapping.]
[Felix vomits midway through the culling, unable to hold back any longer. While his headache remains, clarity comes with him emptying the contents of his stomach. And after a while, what Dimitri sounds like he's doing is not simply dispatching the soldiers hot on their trail.
It gets too much after a while, and tightly gripping the dagger in hand, he starts to crawl out of his hiding place. Suppressing the urge to throw up once more at the carnage before him, he staggers towards Dimitri and the struggling man beneath him, two words upon his lips.]
[Dimitri laughs, straddling the man's hips and grabbing his face with both hands.]
Tell me, do you think this is enough? Is being roughed up for five minutes enough to compensate for the lives lost at Duscur? For the crime of siding with the foul witch that supports those monsters?
[Slowly, he pulls the filthy shirt out of the man's mouth.]
Go on. You tell me. I advise you to think your answer through very carefully, though.
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cynicfelixity) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
amewsbox2020-01-09 12:53 pm
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Of course not. I shall be his blade — their blade.
[Slowly, his face relaxes back into something resembling human. Dimitri continues to look at his ghosts, wishing he could properly ask them for guidance. But he can't expect them to be coherent. They're the ones being tortured in the afterlife, all he can do is fulfill their wishes so that they can all be put to rest... and him along with them.]
Ahh, Dedue... was that truly your plan? I should never have put you in that situation to begin with.
[What other options did Dedue have? Dimitri and whatever loyalists he can scrape together are the only real hope to hold Edelgard and her demons accountable for their crimes. He doesn't even have it in him to be mad at Dedue for making the choice he did.
Dedue just watches him, sorrowful but gentle despite what he must be going through.]
Forgive me...
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It's in light of this fear that Felix takes a deep breath and climbs back on the bed, focusing on Dimitri's vulnerability rather than the way the emotion threatens to crush his heart or the pain stinging his back at the moment.
He presses his forehead against Dimitri's shoulder, breathing in his scent.]
I'm here.
[For as long as he could manage it. He reaches for Dimitri's hand, squeezing, hoping that the contact roots him to the present rather than wherever his ghosts wish to whisk him off to.]
Please... don't forget that.
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...I can't give up on him yet, [he finally says, voice soft.]
I just can't. If... nothing has changed after we have used up the medicine, I will go with you.
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...Okay. [Felix exhales, entwining his fingers with Dimitri's.] We can stay for another few days.
[Against Felix's better judgment, he relents, never mind how likely Cornelia will be tightening security around the capital. But if it's Dimitri's "fate" to live through this, then perhaps they would be able to weather what's to come without any major issues.]
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You seem so small, now.
[But that, too, is relieving. If he curls around Felix like this, it feels like he can shield him from the rest of the world.]
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Dimitri is right, though. While Dimitri's always been the broader of the two of them, right now it feels like there's so much space...]
...I still have room to grow.
[Is Felix's half-hearted quip as he rests his cheek against Dimitri's chest, knowing full well this probably is the best it's going to get for him.]
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...which there is a lot less of than he expects. The strands slip away from him, prompting a questioning hum.]
You cut your hair?
[He's been so out of it that he didn't really notice until just now...]
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Mmm.
[Felix swallows, blinking back the accompanying sting in his eyes.]
It just... wasn't the same without you.
[Even with his knowledge of a potential future, it didn't make waiting out those six months any easier, to say the least of it.]
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[Yet, at the same time, he was glad that Felix wasn't there, that he wasn't risking his life to attempt to free a man that was already broken. Dimitri's hold tightens.]
...she told me a few times that you had come for me. Sylvain and Ingrid, too. That you were all tucked away in cells of your own, that she would break you as well...
[Even now, his stomach rebels at the thought of it. Or perhaps it's just hunger making it growl, but he really doesn't think he could keep anything down. Shuddering, he takes another deep breath, trying to put the memory of Cornelia's taunts out of his mind.]
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...Do you want to lie down for a while longer?
[It doesn't really seem like any of them are hungry enough for breakfast anyway...]
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[Yet despite saying that, Dimitri lingers for a few moments, clutching Felix like he's his only tether to reality.
And he is.
Eventually, though, he shifts away and lies on his side, watching Felix quietly as he waits for him to lie down as well.]
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I'll stay here. For as long as you need.
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The days that follow aren't much better. He'll at least eat properly on the second day, his rapidly healing body demanding fuel. But if he isn't eating or having his wounds tended to, Dimitri just sleeps for the most part, unwilling to face reality. It's not as if he doesn't need the rest, anyway — doing nothing other than sleep and eat results in him making a recovery that's just short of miraculous. Alas, he doesn't regain full use of that eye... but he doesn't lose it entirely, either, and he retains the ability to see motion and light if not much more than that.
It's early in the evening, and they used up the last of the medicine just that morning. Leaving while it's light out isn't at all a smart course of action, but as the sun starts to sink down, Dimitri grows tense. He knows what Felix is going to ask of him, and though he still doesn't feel ready, he no longer has a good excuse to refuse, either.]
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He at least, discovers several things in the course of their unplanned, extended stay. One, is that simply being in contact with Dimitri has a way of taming that beast that threatens to go wild. It's not the same as their touches half a year ago, but it's more than anything Felix could ever ask for--a small bit of balm for his aching heart as he and Dimitri trudge on through these empty days.
Another is that Dimitri's right eye still works to an extent--a physical evidence of a change that Felix managed to affect. A cause for joy any other time, but when it serves as an explanation for this strange wave of nausea that comes and goes, Felix can't help but feel slightly bitter, wondering if this is going to be his life moving forward.
Still, the inevitable comes, and after managing to swallow down that rush of sickness that comes with the setting sun, Felix turns to glance at their now empty box of medicine before letting his gaze settle on Dimitri.]
Dimitri... it's time.
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If they haven't already.]
I know, [he snaps, sounding more like a growling animal than a man. Dimitri grits his teeth and starts to go about putting on his traveling gear, his gaze fixed on the floor.]
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Once he sees that Dimitri is done, he hovers by the door, ready to open it and exit as was their plan a few days back.
---
Dimitri follows Felix in silence, an expected phenomenon as they cross the relatively short distance between the safehouse and the city walls. Felix still feels a little queasy as they trudge on, but they manage to slip out of the city through an exit only known to the royal family and the Fraldarius family.
That's when a wave of nausea truly hits Felix, blindsiding him a few steps out of the city. He stops dead on his tracks, an arm wrapped around his stomach as another presses against his temple, shivering as he sucks in a breath, not at all liking this unwelcome wave of dizziness that comes with it.
Did... Dimitri stay inside the city for longer than they have? What a time to learn this... but it's not like they can backtrack considering how unsafe the capital is.]
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As sullen as he's been on the way out of the city, when Felix doubles over like that, Dimitri is quickly at his side, one hand on his back with a touch as gentle as he's always been with Felix.]
Felix?
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...I'm fine.
[He isn't, but he hopes Dimitri will allow him to pretend. Rising on shaky knees once more, he'll attempt a few steps, knowing they'll have to put as much distance between this place and them now that they're outside the city and run the risk of encountering Cornelia's patrollers.]
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He gets his answer soon enough when Felix collapses. He's quick to break his fall, having already been watching him closely. Dimitri shakes his head, kneeling down to scoop Felix into his arms, his brow rippled with worry.]
We have to put in some distance before dawn. Forgive me.
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But Felix knows better than to protest the arrangement now, considering the delicate situation they're in.]
...I'm the one who should be sorry, [Felix whispers, lowering his head as he rests against Dimitri's chest.] Just keep heading south for now.
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He'll make sure they regret turning their backs on Faerghus.
Thankfully, there's some shrubbery nearby that he can sneak into. Dimitri quietly sets Felix down and removes his own pack, making to take the sword Felix has.]
Stay here and keep your head down. I will see to punishing these traitors.
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But then signs of their pursuers come, and before Felix could protest, Dimitri hides him and their supplies, moving to take his sword.
Felix opens his mouth to say something, but it feels like bile rather than words are about to come out so he shuts it promptly, instead moving to clasp Dimitri's hand as if to stop him.
But his grip lacks its usual power, and he quickly withdraws to embrace himself, shivering slightly as he purses his lips, unsure of how much longer he could hold on.]
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At first, it might seem like he's going to be quick and efficient. But all he's doing is cutting down the numbers until only the squad leader remains. Dimitri tears the shirt off one of the corpses and stuffs it in his mouth, muffling the screams as he reenacts all the things that were done to him, utterly lacking any mercy.
Unfortunately for Felix, he's close enough to hear those muffled cries anyway, and he's definitely close enough to hear bones snapping.]
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It gets too much after a while, and tightly gripping the dagger in hand, he starts to crawl out of his hiding place. Suppressing the urge to throw up once more at the carnage before him, he staggers towards Dimitri and the struggling man beneath him, two words upon his lips.]
That's enough.
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[Dimitri laughs, straddling the man's hips and grabbing his face with both hands.]
Tell me, do you think this is enough? Is being roughed up for five minutes enough to compensate for the lives lost at Duscur? For the crime of siding with the foul witch that supports those monsters?
[Slowly, he pulls the filthy shirt out of the man's mouth.]
Go on. You tell me. I advise you to think your answer through very carefully, though.
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