[It's been three days today since the mock battle — Felix missing one day after they lost wasn't that strange. He was probably training on his own, sulking over the loss. Two days could potentially be explained in the same way. But on that third day, Dimitri can't avoid it any longer: he has to talk to Felix.
He finds Felix in the training grounds, something that has him wondering if maybe he isn't just obsessively training after all. The professor beat Felix soundly on the battlefield, which is not an easy feat. Dimitri was genuinely impressed, honestly. Even if that is the case, though, Felix cannot just skip classes without telling either Dimitri or Manuela.]
Felix, [he says cautiously, crossing the grounds until he's at a comfortable speaking distance.]
You have been absent from class for a while now. Is something the matter?
["Surreal" doesn't even begin to describe Felix's day.
"Strange" comes close, if only to illustrate how much this situation defies all logic, an occurrence that should be not at all possible outside the realm of dreams.
Which, he had already ascertained was not. The sword wound he patched up with some white magic still stings a bit, his spells nowhere near as potent as the ones he would cast not even too long ago.
Felix still doesn't know what to feel about this reality, both familiar and different as he walks the halls of Garreg Mach, attending classes for a house he no longer feels any kind of loyalty towards. Guilt eats at him as he tunes out the lectures, once an interesting endeavor, but now merely a repeat of a reality he wishes to undo.
It's been two days since he found himself in this reality of a kind, just going about the motions as he tries to figure out the hows and whys of this phenomenon. All the while avoiding the person he dreads and wants to see the most--an easy enough task when they no longer share classes, and Felix makes it a point to avoid his own room until late in the night.
But as fate would have it, things seem to be unfolding in the same manner as they did before, and on that second day, Dimitri corners him in the training grounds just like before, asking Felix the exact same question he did.
Though this time, Felix's answer is different, and instead of pausing to look Dimitri dead in the eye, he simply continues with his swings, unable to look at this younger version of the king he had abandoned.]
[Against his will, Dimitri feels a brief surge of anger, ever-present at this point in his life. He stamps it down quickly, not wanting to turn it toward Felix even if Felix seems to want to direct all of his anger at him. He's still too precious to him, despite everything.]
...you know I cannot leave until you answer me. If you want me gone, then tell me what is going on. Or tell Sylvain, or Professor Manuela, or — someone.
[Has Felix told someone? Dimitri's heard murmurings of him being seen in the classroom of the Black Eagles, but he hasn't been able to confirm it for himself yet. It's not a reality he wants to face, so he's trying to not think too hard on it.]
[That gets Felix to pause, though he still doesn't bother sparing Dimitri a glance, afraid of what might end up being reflected in his eyes when they do meet.
...Eyes. Not just a single eye, from a man who has abandoned the living for the clamors of the dead.]
...Professor Manuela knows, [Felix says, quiet as he hangs his head, refusing to say the "leave me alone" that his past self certainly would not have hesitated to speak.]
[Really, that basically confirms those rumors. But the rumors aren't what he's worried about anymore — Felix is so subdued. Something is wrong, and he can't stop himself from reaching out to place a hand on Felix's shoulder, though he winces when he realizes he's done it.]
[To Felix's relief, nothing out of the ordinary happens the next week. Except perhaps for some regular sparring sessions with Dimitri, brought about by his relationship with the aforementioned being on less rocky territory.
And Felix accepts it. After all, it's a regular enough occurrence even before, and it's a good way to see if Dimitri is holding up fine (he is) after their sleepover sessions are done and over with.
Unlike the months before, however, Dimitri's gaze seems to have a way of lingering upon him when Dimitri thinks Felix isn't looking. At first, Felix dismisses it as a figment of his imagination. But by the third day, it seems like he's no longer imagining it, and by the next time he has Dimitri flat on the ground, he decides enough is enough.
Training spear still pointed at Dimitri, Felix narrows his eyes at him, frowning.]
...Concentrate on the battle and quit staring at me when you think I'm not looking.
[Thrilled as Dimitri is to be able to clash with Felix again in the training grounds, realizing just how deep his affection for him runs complicates things. The way he dances with his blade is more distracting than ever — at first, it's just because of the beauty of it. But soon enough, there's something else there, too. The way he fights is different.
Felix has always been talented, but now, there's just something about the way he fights that feels out of place with the boy he's known since birth. The difference in their skill level is immediately obvious, and sometimes, there's this look in Felix's eyes that shakes him to the core. It's the look of someone that's lost everything, that fights because to put down their blade and rest is as good as death.
It's the look Dimitri sees in his own eyes when he dares to look directly at himself in the mirror.
Not that he ever has much time to study it. Felix is too good, and those ridiculously fluttery feelings get in the way, too. He ends up on his ass more times than he can count, and he never fails to be struck by how beautiful Felix is in victory. Unfortunately, it seems that Felix notices. Dimitri's already flush with exertion, but his face reddens further upon being called out. He swallows his initial bashful reaction, keeping his gaze anywhere but Felix's frustratingly pretty face as he struggles to find a way to articulate why he's watching him.
Aside from being pathetically smitten, he's not about to admit to that.
Unfortunately, Felix doesn't have the patience to wait and nudges at his chin with that spear, a move that has his heart pounding for a variety of reasons. He finally lifts his eyes and takes a deep breath.]
[Felix isn't sure what answer he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that.
What a way to deflect. That isn't the true reason there, and it feels too flimsy despite Dimitri's posturing of giving it proper thought. Felix's grip tightens on the shaft of his weapon, scowl never leaving his face as he keeps the tip of the spear pointed at Dimitri.]
The hell are you--
[Then a realization hits him like a ton of bricks, far more damaging than any of Dimitri's unrestrained blows. As if Dimitri physically winded him with those words, considering how difficult it is to keep his weapon pointed at Dimitri once it clicks.
He lowers his weapon, face ashen as Dimitri's observation brings to mind what he was before... whatever this life is, really. Of course. He has not really made a business of changing the way he fights since he found himself in his younger self's body, hasn't he? Obviously, Dimitri would notice. Because it's Dimitri, and they've been sparring together since they were barely out of diapers. It's only natural that he'd pick up on Felix's additional years of experience, especially when he has not bothered hiding it.
In fact, is he even supposed to hide this? How is he even supposed to explain it? The words "I'm from the future," experimental as they are, seem to be lodged in his throat even with his disinclination to say such a ridiculous, however real, notion out loud.
Felix swallows, pressing a hand to his forehead as he looks away from Dimitri.]
The professor has been training me well.
[Not a lie, but not exactly the truth of it either.]
[In truth, Dimitri was deflecting somewhat. Felix's technique isn't the only thing drawing his eye by a long shot, but it is the only thing he's willing to discuss when their renewed friendship is still so fragile. But when Felix pales and turns his face away, visibly troubled, all the other reasons fade into the background. He pulls himself back up to his feet, carefully approaching Felix, placing a hand over the one Felix still has clutching the shaft of the training spear.]
[Though Dimitri does not avoid Felix for the rest of his recovery by any means, he doesn't stay the night or kiss him again, either. It seems like a bad idea to tempt himself to get physical when Felix is still in a delicate state, and an even worse one to confess his feelings to him when he can't get out of bed on his own. So Dimitri keeps a little distance, containing himself to holding Felix's hand now and then — the look in his eyes is something he cannot and does not keep to himself, though, resulting in him giving Felix those adoring gazes pretty much whenever he looks at him.
The day that Felix is released from the infirmary, Dimitri doesn't get to see him until late that evening. Felix has a lot of classwork to catch up on even if he can only engage in light physical activity for the next while. So Dimitri takes his own work to his room and waits, listening for his footsteps when he's heading to his room for the night.
Is he really going to do this...?! Going with the flow and kissing Felix that night happened naturally, but Dimitri's had way too much time to agonize over confessing at this point. He forces himself to his feet anyway, heading out into the hall and clearing his throat.]
[While Felix does nothing in particular to encourage Dimitri's gestures of affection, he doesn't do anything to discourage them either. Which, in his case, might as well be enabling them. In the coming days, Felix realizes that his lack of resistance is, in fact, more willful than a consequence of passivity, given how he continues to let Dimitri be even once he's cleared to use his arms two days after that fateful night together.
That, and it doesn't stop him from throwing longing looks at Dimitri when he thinks he isn't looking, guilt eating at him as he indulges in this forbidden and novel opportunity.
Six days after his confinement, Manuela clears him to do some light exercise, and a day after that, discharges him with the caveat that he is to report to her immediately if any complications arise.
No such things do, though the schoolwork Felix has to catch up with is a whole other story all together. Even though this isn't his first time dealing with them, most of them involve memorization that is hardly necessary in actual war. Which is to say, Felix had already forgotten the intricacies involving some forgettable saint's life, as well as the complexities of dark and white magic he's unable to use effectively anyway.
He's just brought out Dorothea's notes for an essay he's to submit when Dimitri calls. Felix has never been more than glad to have the door separating them that moment, considering the way his heart flutters at the mention of his name and the blush that accompanies it.
That said, it takes him a moment to respond, a few seconds later when he's certain his response to that has calmed a little.]
As I'll ever be.
[Since he's still banned from the training grounds until further notice...]
[Discuss? But he just got out of the infirmary and--
It clicks for Felix a second later, and while blissful ignorance would have been nice, perhaps, awareness is where it's at for Felix now, and considering one thing that Dimitri has been refraining from, there's likely only one thing at this point.]
...Sure.
[Refusal--is that even an option at this point? Does Felix even want to consider it? For the moment, he doesn't, selfish as it might be. So he approaches the door and opens it, a little shy as he gestures for Dimitri to come in.]
[While the next two rounds with Dimitri don't escalate as much as their first, it still leads to some complications come the morning--particularly some pain that isn't easily solved by the vulnerary Felix had prepared beforehand. It's with some embarrassment that he ends up consulting Mercedes about it, who he could trust to be discreet about the matter at the very least. While he does have to endure some giggling and annoying mothering, she at least solves the problem for him and even hands him a concoction that should help with about five nights worth of associated pain.
Which is why, despite how much it has "bad idea" written all over it, he indulges Dimitri's repeated requests to "sleep over". Where they both don't get much in the way of sleep (and perhaps similarly for Dimitri's unfortunate neighbor), only more attempts to make up for lost time. But it never feels enough. Not for Dimitri, who seems to be determined to seize the day with all his might. Not for Felix, who had let too many opportunities slip past.
Unfortunately for the two of them, it's a short-lived arrangement, with Dimitri's own responsibilities looming in light of the upcoming Millenium Festival. Still, the next few nights are made less arduous by Dimitri's promise to meet Felix at the top of the Goddess Tower on the 25th. In light of a likely promise to be made that day, Felix has prepared something for the occasion--a finely crafted Zoltan dagger he tucks away with his sword, the most he could offer given his circumstances.
It's about two hours into the party when Felix finally finds time to steal away into the promised meeting place, and he isn't surprised to see that he's way ahead of Dimitri that night considering how many ladies have been trying to get his attention that night. Ever the star of the show.
Not wanting to seem overeager, he directs his attention to the starlit horizon as he waits for Dimitri, quite confident he'll be able to sense his footsteps when the time comes.]
[Dimitri isn't at all used to living selfishly like this, but he's needed to let go for so long and he loves Felix so desperately that it surprisingly isn't difficult to just give in. It really is never enough, but love is such a wonderful thing to be consumed by instead of hate. Even the moments when they're apart and he pines for him are sweet in comparison to the drudgery of his day to day life before Felix agreed to allow him by his side again.
But the ball rears its head after a few days, and Dimitri is forced to take care of his responsibilities as the head of his house. He definitely doesn't tackle his work with the enthusiasm he did before, resulting in mildly annoyed puzzlement from Edelgard and amusement from Claude. Dimitri just says (truthfully) that he doesn't like dancing and his instructor was extremely strict. Without a hint of remembering anything, Edelgard tells him that a strict instructor is one that cares about their students. It still stings, but not nearly as much as it would have before.
Alas, whether he likes dancing or not, Dimitri comes face to face with exactly the sort of nonsense Sylvain complains about. It feels like every last girl at the ball save for Edelgard wants his attention. With the classmates he's closer to, he doesn't mind — especially not with Mercedes, who has become aware of his relationship with Felix out of necessity. But far too many are clearly hoping he'll whisk them away for more, and the reminder that he'll have to find a woman who will be both a suitable match and understanding of his feelings for Felix is unpleasant.
If there's one benefit to Dimitri being late, it's that most besotted couples have already made their vows and slipped off to spend time in private. He looks terribly apologetic nonetheless when he finally approaches Felix, shaking his head.]
I apologize for making you wait. I thought I would never escape...
[Dimitri's famiiliar footsteps come, and Felix turns to find him apologizing. Typical, but when Felix had long forgiven and accepted his lateness as a matter of fact, it does seem a little redundant.]
Figures.
[But there's no resentment to it. Just a statement of fact as Felix lifts a hand to his temple and shakes his head slightly.]
But enough about that, [Felix says, lifting his gaze as he lets his hand fall to the side, his other on his hip as his tone softens a notch.] You're here now.
[The next three days more or less proceed as promised, with Felix and Dimitri, more than ever, chasing after lost time as if it were their last lifeline. It leaves Felix sore and sleepy come the morning, but with the help of Mercedes he manages to alleviate the worst of it. Thankfully, Byleth is merciful and doesn't call him out for sleeping during lectures. Sothis' thoughtful glances are another story however, her presence a distracting constant by Byleth's side.
On the fourth day of this arrangement with Dimitri, Felix finds the time to approach Byleth after class, a cloth-wrapped dagger in his bag after Dimitri tells him that the afternoon will be busy for him thanks to some commitments. It's with a certain resolve in mind that he approaches Byleth and Sothis, expression unfazed.]
[Despite being a difficult man to shake, the discussion with Felix was a lot to take in. Not only that, but Jeralt made good on his word and told him about his mother. Even for him, it's a lot. So he's actually grateful that it takes Felix a few days to approach him, now having had the time to absorb all the new information. He glances up as Felix comes forward, then he nods, moving to shut and lock the door.]
[Once the door is shut, Felix carefully takes out the dagger entrusted to him, unwrapping it from the cloth as he places it on the table.]
It's... the Flame Emperor's. Dimitri... asked if you could return it to her.
[It should, perhaps, tell Byleth everything he needs to know about how the dagger came to his possession in the first place.]
I've... also decided, [Felix says, exhaling as he trains his gaze on the dagger.] I know the side I truly belong to. No matter what happens, I'll do everything I can to make sure Dimitri lives.
"It is the one that she pulled out when you first heard my voice, is it not?"
Byleth nods, turning it over in his hands.]
I have never seen her use it otherwise. Dimitri has a sharp memory.
[With that, he sets it aside, still unaware that Dimitri is the one who gave it to her in the first place.]
I understand. I have made my decision, as well. I will do what I can to support you... and hopefully, I will be able to direct any backlash from the change toward myself.
[Curiously, he tilts his head.]
...wait, if he knows that it belonged to her, then why has he not confronted her?
[The bruises from Felix are long gone before they're reunited. Instead of tedious work and a coronation, a nightmare awaits Dimitri in the capital. Cornelia frames him for the murder of his uncle, and she has soldiers loyal to her at the ready to shove him in a dungeon to await trial. He just barely manages to stash the dagger Felix gave him before they return to strip search him, a humiliating ordeal that unfortunately ends up being one of the easier aspects of his imprisonment. Cornelia is not even the slightest bit merciful in trying to extract a "confession" from him, and as the months wear on and his body becomes that of an adult's, it also gains countless scars from her interrogation techniques.
Dimitri learns a lot about torture in that time. He files it all away, looking forward to dishing some out himself the moment he has the opportunity with a sadistic bloodthirst that frightens him at first. Eventually, though, all that hate becomes a comfort. It is his shield and his armor, a blanket he can wrap himself in to block out the chill and a balm to numb his wounds.
Unfortunately, it isn't a balm that can treat infection. By the time half a year has passed, Cornelia's stepped up her game with a vicious gash across one of his eyelids. For looking at her in the wrong way, apparently. That alone probably wouldn't have resulted in the loss of his eye, but it itches and it stings and he can't keep his filthy hands off of it, especially not when he's fitfully sleeping. It's a swollen, ugly mess, one that he would be ashamed of if he had the emotional capacity to do anything more than hate.
Dedue's rescue isn't a moment too soon. In many ways, it's too late, but Dimitri is deliriously grateful for it all the same. He finally has a chance to pull that dagger out of its hiding place, and Dedue practically has to drag him out of the dungeon to put an end to the hysterical rampage that follows. Dimitri's all on board after that, desperately fleeing the palace.
It's in the waterway flowing out from the palace that they come across Felix. Dedue's bled out enough that he can barely walk, and Dimitri's so weak from hunger and everything else that he's suffered that it's a struggle to keep him upright in his heavy armor. His good eye flies open when he lays it upon him, tears briefly swimming in his vision before he blinks them away.]
Felix, [he rasps, the hoarse, half-dead voice of the man that walked away from him that night at Myrddin.]
[What Felix predicts come to pass, and he deals with it in the same manner as he did the last time around. Despite the knowledge of the future he holds, he still mourns Dimitri's loss all the same, cutting off the hair that Dimitri so loved and throwing himself into the war against the Empire and Dukedom in lieu of wallowing in self-hatred.
It does not stop him from crying himself to sleep some nights, with only the cold metal of Dimitri's ring for company as he counts the months, weeks, then days until their reunion. There's days when it feels like a noose more than anything, but it's one he gladly keeps around his neck, waiting, biding his time for the outcome sure to guarantee Dimitri's survival.
Still, that day soon comes--not soon enough, but arrives all the same. After planning meticulously with Dedue--whose outlook towards him has softened since the start of the war--he arrives outside the palace, at the exit he discussed with Dedue prior.]
Dimitri...
[Despite knowing what to expect, the sight still breaks his heart more than it chills it. Dimitri has grown... has it always been this soon? But all the same, it's a reminder that he, perhaps, has a chance of changing things this early.
He nods his thanks to Dedue, eyes overbright with tears unshed as he holds out his arm for Dimitri.]
[Dedue starts to urge him to move toward Felix, but Dimitri digs his heels in, baring his teeth.]
You can hardly stand!
["Neither can you, Your Highness. Please, you must escape," Dedue implores. Dimitri shakes his head fiercely, the hair stuck to his bad eye flipping to the side.]
We go together.
[With a glance back and a grimace, Dedue nods, heading toward Felix alongside Dimitri. As long as he can't hear the clank of their pursuers, he'll at least try to indulge Dimitri.]
[Felix grits his teeth as he supports Dimitri from the other side, heart still heavy with the knowledge of what awaits Dedue any moment now. On top of that, there's Dimitri's eye. Far too gone by the looks of it, but perhaps Felix might be wrong...
But if there's something Felix isn't wrong about, it's that their pursuers are still hot on their heels, and that telling clink of metal comes sooner than Felix would like it to. He tries to pick up their pace, hoping that perhaps, he could save an ally that has done so much for Dimitri alongside the aforementioned.
But as those footsteps grow louder, Felix realizes with a sinking heart that it's all too much to hope for, and if fate as it did before would cast its die in the same manner, wouldn't Dedue live? Still, given the changes that have happened thus far, he can't be too sure if that would hold true in this timeline too...
So he trudges on, waiting for Dedue himself to choose what path he would take in this situation.]
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cynicfelixity) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
amewsbox2020-01-09 12:53 pm
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He finds Felix in the training grounds, something that has him wondering if maybe he isn't just obsessively training after all. The professor beat Felix soundly on the battlefield, which is not an easy feat. Dimitri was genuinely impressed, honestly. Even if that is the case, though, Felix cannot just skip classes without telling either Dimitri or Manuela.]
Felix, [he says cautiously, crossing the grounds until he's at a comfortable speaking distance.]
You have been absent from class for a while now. Is something the matter?
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"Strange" comes close, if only to illustrate how much this situation defies all logic, an occurrence that should be not at all possible outside the realm of dreams.
Which, he had already ascertained was not. The sword wound he patched up with some white magic still stings a bit, his spells nowhere near as potent as the ones he would cast not even too long ago.
Felix still doesn't know what to feel about this reality, both familiar and different as he walks the halls of Garreg Mach, attending classes for a house he no longer feels any kind of loyalty towards. Guilt eats at him as he tunes out the lectures, once an interesting endeavor, but now merely a repeat of a reality he wishes to undo.
It's been two days since he found himself in this reality of a kind, just going about the motions as he tries to figure out the hows and whys of this phenomenon. All the while avoiding the person he dreads and wants to see the most--an easy enough task when they no longer share classes, and Felix makes it a point to avoid his own room until late in the night.
But as fate would have it, things seem to be unfolding in the same manner as they did before, and on that second day, Dimitri corners him in the training grounds just like before, asking Felix the exact same question he did.
Though this time, Felix's answer is different, and instead of pausing to look Dimitri dead in the eye, he simply continues with his swings, unable to look at this younger version of the king he had abandoned.]
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...you know I cannot leave until you answer me. If you want me gone, then tell me what is going on. Or tell Sylvain, or Professor Manuela, or — someone.
[Has Felix told someone? Dimitri's heard murmurings of him being seen in the classroom of the Black Eagles, but he hasn't been able to confirm it for himself yet. It's not a reality he wants to face, so he's trying to not think too hard on it.]
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...Eyes. Not just a single eye, from a man who has abandoned the living for the clamors of the dead.]
...Professor Manuela knows, [Felix says, quiet as he hangs his head, refusing to say the "leave me alone" that his past self certainly would not have hesitated to speak.]
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And Felix accepts it. After all, it's a regular enough occurrence even before, and it's a good way to see if Dimitri is holding up fine (he is) after their sleepover sessions are done and over with.
Unlike the months before, however, Dimitri's gaze seems to have a way of lingering upon him when Dimitri thinks Felix isn't looking. At first, Felix dismisses it as a figment of his imagination. But by the third day, it seems like he's no longer imagining it, and by the next time he has Dimitri flat on the ground, he decides enough is enough.
Training spear still pointed at Dimitri, Felix narrows his eyes at him, frowning.]
...Concentrate on the battle and quit staring at me when you think I'm not looking.
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Felix has always been talented, but now, there's just something about the way he fights that feels out of place with the boy he's known since birth. The difference in their skill level is immediately obvious, and sometimes, there's this look in Felix's eyes that shakes him to the core. It's the look of someone that's lost everything, that fights because to put down their blade and rest is as good as death.
It's the look Dimitri sees in his own eyes when he dares to look directly at himself in the mirror.
Not that he ever has much time to study it. Felix is too good, and those ridiculously fluttery feelings get in the way, too. He ends up on his ass more times than he can count, and he never fails to be struck by how beautiful Felix is in victory. Unfortunately, it seems that Felix notices. Dimitri's already flush with exertion, but his face reddens further upon being called out. He swallows his initial bashful reaction, keeping his gaze anywhere but Felix's frustratingly pretty face as he struggles to find a way to articulate why he's watching him.
Aside from being pathetically smitten, he's not about to admit to that.
Unfortunately, Felix doesn't have the patience to wait and nudges at his chin with that spear, a move that has his heart pounding for a variety of reasons. He finally lifts his eyes and takes a deep breath.]
The way you fight has changed.
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What a way to deflect. That isn't the true reason there, and it feels too flimsy despite Dimitri's posturing of giving it proper thought. Felix's grip tightens on the shaft of his weapon, scowl never leaving his face as he keeps the tip of the spear pointed at Dimitri.]
The hell are you--
[Then a realization hits him like a ton of bricks, far more damaging than any of Dimitri's unrestrained blows. As if Dimitri physically winded him with those words, considering how difficult it is to keep his weapon pointed at Dimitri once it clicks.
He lowers his weapon, face ashen as Dimitri's observation brings to mind what he was before... whatever this life is, really. Of course. He has not really made a business of changing the way he fights since he found himself in his younger self's body, hasn't he? Obviously, Dimitri would notice. Because it's Dimitri, and they've been sparring together since they were barely out of diapers. It's only natural that he'd pick up on Felix's additional years of experience, especially when he has not bothered hiding it.
In fact, is he even supposed to hide this? How is he even supposed to explain it? The words "I'm from the future," experimental as they are, seem to be lodged in his throat even with his disinclination to say such a ridiculous, however real, notion out loud.
Felix swallows, pressing a hand to his forehead as he looks away from Dimitri.]
The professor has been training me well.
[Not a lie, but not exactly the truth of it either.]
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...they are not pushing you too hard, are they?
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The day that Felix is released from the infirmary, Dimitri doesn't get to see him until late that evening. Felix has a lot of classwork to catch up on even if he can only engage in light physical activity for the next while. So Dimitri takes his own work to his room and waits, listening for his footsteps when he's heading to his room for the night.
Is he really going to do this...?! Going with the flow and kissing Felix that night happened naturally, but Dimitri's had way too much time to agonize over confessing at this point. He forces himself to his feet anyway, heading out into the hall and clearing his throat.]
Good evening, Felix. Are you well?
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That, and it doesn't stop him from throwing longing looks at Dimitri when he thinks he isn't looking, guilt eating at him as he indulges in this forbidden and novel opportunity.
Six days after his confinement, Manuela clears him to do some light exercise, and a day after that, discharges him with the caveat that he is to report to her immediately if any complications arise.
No such things do, though the schoolwork Felix has to catch up with is a whole other story all together. Even though this isn't his first time dealing with them, most of them involve memorization that is hardly necessary in actual war. Which is to say, Felix had already forgotten the intricacies involving some forgettable saint's life, as well as the complexities of dark and white magic he's unable to use effectively anyway.
He's just brought out Dorothea's notes for an essay he's to submit when Dimitri calls. Felix has never been more than glad to have the door separating them that moment, considering the way his heart flutters at the mention of his name and the blush that accompanies it.
That said, it takes him a moment to respond, a few seconds later when he's certain his response to that has calmed a little.]
As I'll ever be.
[Since he's still banned from the training grounds until further notice...]
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[Anxiously, he shifts from foot to foot, taking a peek down the hall. At least no one is watching him...]
If you are feeling up to it, may I come in? I have something I would like to discuss with you.
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It clicks for Felix a second later, and while blissful ignorance would have been nice, perhaps, awareness is where it's at for Felix now, and considering one thing that Dimitri has been refraining from, there's likely only one thing at this point.]
...Sure.
[Refusal--is that even an option at this point? Does Felix even want to consider it? For the moment, he doesn't, selfish as it might be. So he approaches the door and opens it, a little shy as he gestures for Dimitri to come in.]
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Which is why, despite how much it has "bad idea" written all over it, he indulges Dimitri's repeated requests to "sleep over". Where they both don't get much in the way of sleep (and perhaps similarly for Dimitri's unfortunate neighbor), only more attempts to make up for lost time. But it never feels enough. Not for Dimitri, who seems to be determined to seize the day with all his might. Not for Felix, who had let too many opportunities slip past.
Unfortunately for the two of them, it's a short-lived arrangement, with Dimitri's own responsibilities looming in light of the upcoming Millenium Festival. Still, the next few nights are made less arduous by Dimitri's promise to meet Felix at the top of the Goddess Tower on the 25th. In light of a likely promise to be made that day, Felix has prepared something for the occasion--a finely crafted Zoltan dagger he tucks away with his sword, the most he could offer given his circumstances.
It's about two hours into the party when Felix finally finds time to steal away into the promised meeting place, and he isn't surprised to see that he's way ahead of Dimitri that night considering how many ladies have been trying to get his attention that night. Ever the star of the show.
Not wanting to seem overeager, he directs his attention to the starlit horizon as he waits for Dimitri, quite confident he'll be able to sense his footsteps when the time comes.]
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But the ball rears its head after a few days, and Dimitri is forced to take care of his responsibilities as the head of his house. He definitely doesn't tackle his work with the enthusiasm he did before, resulting in mildly annoyed puzzlement from Edelgard and amusement from Claude. Dimitri just says (truthfully) that he doesn't like dancing and his instructor was extremely strict. Without a hint of remembering anything, Edelgard tells him that a strict instructor is one that cares about their students. It still stings, but not nearly as much as it would have before.
Alas, whether he likes dancing or not, Dimitri comes face to face with exactly the sort of nonsense Sylvain complains about. It feels like every last girl at the ball save for Edelgard wants his attention. With the classmates he's closer to, he doesn't mind — especially not with Mercedes, who has become aware of his relationship with Felix out of necessity. But far too many are clearly hoping he'll whisk them away for more, and the reminder that he'll have to find a woman who will be both a suitable match and understanding of his feelings for Felix is unpleasant.
If there's one benefit to Dimitri being late, it's that most besotted couples have already made their vows and slipped off to spend time in private. He looks terribly apologetic nonetheless when he finally approaches Felix, shaking his head.]
I apologize for making you wait. I thought I would never escape...
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Figures.
[But there's no resentment to it. Just a statement of fact as Felix lifts a hand to his temple and shakes his head slightly.]
But enough about that, [Felix says, lifting his gaze as he lets his hand fall to the side, his other on his hip as his tone softens a notch.] You're here now.
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[Crossing the distance between them, Dimitri reaches for Felix's hand that hangs freely, clasping it in both of his as he brings it to his lips.]
If you do not want my apologies, then... accept my thanks. The rest of the night felt worth it when I saw you here.
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On the fourth day of this arrangement with Dimitri, Felix finds the time to approach Byleth after class, a cloth-wrapped dagger in his bag after Dimitri tells him that the afternoon will be busy for him thanks to some commitments. It's with a certain resolve in mind that he approaches Byleth and Sothis, expression unfazed.]
Can we talk?
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Go ahead.
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It's... the Flame Emperor's. Dimitri... asked if you could return it to her.
[It should, perhaps, tell Byleth everything he needs to know about how the dagger came to his possession in the first place.]
I've... also decided, [Felix says, exhaling as he trains his gaze on the dagger.] I know the side I truly belong to. No matter what happens, I'll do everything I can to make sure Dimitri lives.
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[He reaches out and picks it up.
"It is the one that she pulled out when you first heard my voice, is it not?"
Byleth nods, turning it over in his hands.]
I have never seen her use it otherwise. Dimitri has a sharp memory.
[With that, he sets it aside, still unaware that Dimitri is the one who gave it to her in the first place.]
I understand. I have made my decision, as well. I will do what I can to support you... and hopefully, I will be able to direct any backlash from the change toward myself.
[Curiously, he tilts his head.]
...wait, if he knows that it belonged to her, then why has he not confronted her?
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Dimitri learns a lot about torture in that time. He files it all away, looking forward to dishing some out himself the moment he has the opportunity with a sadistic bloodthirst that frightens him at first. Eventually, though, all that hate becomes a comfort. It is his shield and his armor, a blanket he can wrap himself in to block out the chill and a balm to numb his wounds.
Unfortunately, it isn't a balm that can treat infection. By the time half a year has passed, Cornelia's stepped up her game with a vicious gash across one of his eyelids. For looking at her in the wrong way, apparently. That alone probably wouldn't have resulted in the loss of his eye, but it itches and it stings and he can't keep his filthy hands off of it, especially not when he's fitfully sleeping. It's a swollen, ugly mess, one that he would be ashamed of if he had the emotional capacity to do anything more than hate.
Dedue's rescue isn't a moment too soon. In many ways, it's too late, but Dimitri is deliriously grateful for it all the same. He finally has a chance to pull that dagger out of its hiding place, and Dedue practically has to drag him out of the dungeon to put an end to the hysterical rampage that follows. Dimitri's all on board after that, desperately fleeing the palace.
It's in the waterway flowing out from the palace that they come across Felix. Dedue's bled out enough that he can barely walk, and Dimitri's so weak from hunger and everything else that he's suffered that it's a struggle to keep him upright in his heavy armor. His good eye flies open when he lays it upon him, tears briefly swimming in his vision before he blinks them away.]
Felix, [he rasps, the hoarse, half-dead voice of the man that walked away from him that night at Myrddin.]
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It does not stop him from crying himself to sleep some nights, with only the cold metal of Dimitri's ring for company as he counts the months, weeks, then days until their reunion. There's days when it feels like a noose more than anything, but it's one he gladly keeps around his neck, waiting, biding his time for the outcome sure to guarantee Dimitri's survival.
Still, that day soon comes--not soon enough, but arrives all the same. After planning meticulously with Dedue--whose outlook towards him has softened since the start of the war--he arrives outside the palace, at the exit he discussed with Dedue prior.]
Dimitri...
[Despite knowing what to expect, the sight still breaks his heart more than it chills it. Dimitri has grown... has it always been this soon? But all the same, it's a reminder that he, perhaps, has a chance of changing things this early.
He nods his thanks to Dedue, eyes overbright with tears unshed as he holds out his arm for Dimitri.]
I'll take it from here.
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You can hardly stand!
["Neither can you, Your Highness. Please, you must escape," Dedue implores. Dimitri shakes his head fiercely, the hair stuck to his bad eye flipping to the side.]
We go together.
[With a glance back and a grimace, Dedue nods, heading toward Felix alongside Dimitri. As long as he can't hear the clank of their pursuers, he'll at least try to indulge Dimitri.]
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But if there's something Felix isn't wrong about, it's that their pursuers are still hot on their heels, and that telling clink of metal comes sooner than Felix would like it to. He tries to pick up their pace, hoping that perhaps, he could save an ally that has done so much for Dimitri alongside the aforementioned.
But as those footsteps grow louder, Felix realizes with a sinking heart that it's all too much to hope for, and if fate as it did before would cast its die in the same manner, wouldn't Dedue live? Still, given the changes that have happened thus far, he can't be too sure if that would hold true in this timeline too...
So he trudges on, waiting for Dedue himself to choose what path he would take in this situation.]
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