[That whisper just sounds so broken. As much as Felix's tears pain him, they at least aren't entirely unfamiliar. Felix did cry quite a bit as a child. But this... he can't stand hearing him like this. Already all wrapped up with him in bed like they're children, it comes naturally to push his hair back and crane his neck enough to press a soft kiss to his forehead. Unfortunately, they aren't still children. Felix tenses up and Dimitri is quick to follow, but Felix squeezes his hand the moment he starts to draw back. He takes a slow breath, swallowing down his anxiety. After a few seconds pass, he lets out a nervous chuckle.]
I am as well. I always seem to fumble around you... it is easy to pretend with everyone else, but...
[Felix keeps his hand wrapped around Dimitri's--not as firm a grip as he wants it to, but it's all he has right now as he's recovering from his injury. The fact that Dimitri can pull away anytime he wants has him rooted to the spot, frozen in fear as he considers that option that must never come to pass. Of Dimitri's back fading into the distance as Felix desperately tries to reach out one more time, only never to see him again.
Swallowing, Felix resolves to look up from where he's hiding, his eyes on Dimitri's face.]
...I don't want you to pretend, [Felix says slowly, mouth dry as he licks his lips in anxiety, willing himself to keep his gaze steady despite the wild beating of his heart.]
[Felix is always beautiful, even with his eyes still red-rimmed from crying. Dimitri's breath catches in his throat as he tilts his head back to meet his gaze, his eyes immediately flicking down when his tongue passes over his lips. "Pathetic" is definitely the right word. His mouth falls open slightly as he pulls his hand away from Felix's, gently cupping his cheek instead.]
Felix...
[Goddess, he wants to kiss him. It would be wrong, wouldn't it? Or at the very least, it would be a bad idea with him still hurt so badly. Dimitri bites down on his lower lip in an attempt to regain some clarity, leaving visible marks from his teeth.]
[If it already wasn't so obvious before this, it totally is right now. Dimitri is holding back just as much as Felix is, and right now? He feels weak in a way he wasn't earlier, when he resolved to ignore these feelings in favor of his duty to the lord he failed.
Now, he just selfishly wishes to remain close. No, even closer, inching closer as he watches Dimitri with parted lips, drawn to him by an unseen force.]
[The air crackles between them, prickling at his skin until he's covered with goosebumps. Dimitri shivers, his thoughts wildly flinging themselves about in his skull, leaving a confused jumble for him to attempt to sort through. He isn't imagining this magnetism, is he? It's as real as the weight of Felix against his chest, as the way he scoots up ever so slightly. Then Felix speaks, asking for him to promise, and his willpower crumbles to dust. Dimitri doesn't respond verbally — doing anything but kissing him right now would be pretending, after all, so he carefully shifts his weight and lifts his head, leaning in to tentatively brush his lips against Felix's.]
[It's the only way this interaction could have gone down if Dimitri is to keep to his word, yet it manages to surprise Felix and steal his breath away anyhow. Breath hitching, he pushes back to return the favor, tilting his head slightly to better kiss Dimitri with.
It's too late. No matter how wrong they might be, there's no running away from his feelings or Dimitri's and the way they percieve each other in that respect. It's every bit sweet as it is bitter, a taste Felix finds sour in his mouth, painful to swallow as it is to acknowledge as a matter of fact.
How is he supposed to protect Dimitri when it's so easy for him to succumb to temptation like this? A temptation he unabashedly enjoys and sighs against as his fingers curl next to Dimitri's chest, his body sinking into it faster than his mind could keep up with.]
[For Dimitri, there's nothing but sweetness. He's utterly clueless as to his own fate and equally clueless to Felix's awareness of it. It leaves him able to fully enjoy the moment, all too happy to press into the kiss the moment Felix returns it. His hand slides back from Felix's cheek into his hair, the arm beneath his pillow stretching out to clasp the hand Felix has near the brick. Having Felix so close and so willing but being unable to properly embrace him is torture, but it's a torture he gladly endures, whimpering softly against Felix's lips.
He does regret not pulling the sheet over his lower half as well, though. Warmth is quickly pooling in his belly, the result of which is easily visible without his jacket in the way. At least Felix can't twist enough to look at it for now.]
[While Felix might not be able to see it, he could definitely feel the way Dimitri presses against him, every bit the 17-year-old that he is now. Far from the anguished prince he encountered at Myrddin, with nothing on his mind but the death march he promised his ghosts.
Right now, all that's in Dimitri's mind is Felix, absurd as that thought might have been just a scant month ago. Despite how much of a mess Felix is sure to look, he's still affecting Dimitri in a manner only Felix could dream of, the feel of it still surreal against his tear-streaked reality.
There isn't much Felix could do but cling to it the best that he can, interlacing his fingers with Dimitri's once his other hand meets his. Chasing after Dimitri's lips as if it were a resource as precious as the air he's currently lacking, Felix gasps against Dimitri's mouth as he loses himself in that embrace. Wanting more and everything Dimitri is able to give, he presses against Dimitri's side, heat flaring within him as he slowly tangles a leg with Dimitri's.]
[Their legs entwine and Dimitri can't help but gasp too, hit with a brief bout of dizziness over the realization that Felix now knows exactly how he feels about this.]
Ah —
[Felix's lips are soft and yielding, and even as embarrassment over his physical state takes hold, the desire to keep going is far stronger. It's just a kiss, but it feels like it says more than he's ever been able to convey with his clumsy words. There are no unfortunate misunderstandings here, only a longing to get closer, to feel him more. Dimitri breathes Felix in, welcoming the fresh wave of heat that pushes away his shyness. His tongue gently probes at the seam of Felix's lips, seeking entry. It's not even close to enough, but he'll satisfy himself joining with him in this small way. As tender and sweet as the kiss is, his hunger for more is plain to see in the way his hands tremble slightly. Holding back is a struggle — but he's not pretending otherwise, and that'll just have to be good enough.]
[Dimitri seeks entrance, and Felix gladly opens up, parting his lips to meet Dimitri's tongue in what can only be described as clumsy union. Felix moans softly as he squeezes Dimitri's hand, tasting a flavor he otherwise would never had the opportunity to chase after. The desire to go further stirs painfully in his gut, but he knows well that this is all he could manage for the moment, his limbs far too heavy to carry out the embrace he wishes to do.]
[Dimitri can't endure more than a few minutes of rapidly escalating passion before he tosses his head back on the pillow again, trying to catch his breath. He's about ten seconds from just ripping Felix's clothes off and dealing with the consequences later, which he knows is a terrible idea. He twists his head to look away in an attempt to curb the temptation, arousal coloring his skin all the way down his neck and chest.]
We — we can't... do this here.
[In an infirmary where anyone with an emergency might burst in any moment, where Felix is currently unable to so much as lift his arms over his head.]
[The abrupt pullback jerks Felix out of his trance, leaving him winded as air becomes less of a scarce commodity. It takes him a moment to process Dimitri's words, the reality of which drives home what Felix was thinking, what they were a heartbeat away from doing--
Pink creeps to his already rosy cheeks as he presses against Dimitri's shoulder, lashes fluttering downward as he observes the rise and fall of Dimitri's reddened chest.]
Indeed.
[Or ever, despite how much both of them might want it. Still, Felix doesn't know if he'd be strong enough to resist should the opportunity present itself again. For now, he's too weak and unable to push Dimitri or his impulses away. An excuse it might be to his ears, but his body doesn't seem to mind being wrapped around Dimitri like this, insistent on keeping itself glued to Dimitri's the way it is right now.]
[Dimitri stares resolutely at the muscle model Manuela has sitting out, repeating to himself internally that Felix is hurt right now, no matter how good it feels to have him plastered up against his side lightly panting for breath. At least he isn't the only one getting inappropriately aroused in the infirmary...
After about half a minute passes and his breathing slows a bit, Dimitri laughs under his breath.]
I will have to make sure to wake up early. I would not put it past Ingrid to see it on my face.
[Felix sighs, none too comfortable with everything dried up on his face at the moment. Goddess, did he really go ahead and kiss Dimitri like this? What a disaster, in more ways than one...]
I'll need your help in cleaning up.
[While Ingrid is likely to be discreet about his state, owing her an explanation is something he does not look forward to.]
[Dimitri stretches an arm out for the napkin, wetting it with a glass of water sitting on the bedside table. There's a pitcher there, he can just pour the water out and put fresh if Felix wants some later. He gently dabs Felix's face with the cool cloth, figuring he'd rather get cleaned up now instead of sleeping with dried tear trails all over his face.]
[Felix scrunches his nose as Dimitri goes about the clean up. He meant it in the morning, but Felix supposes there's no harm doing it now. Sleeping with dried tears and everything else is not exactly comfortable, after all. If anything, at least he's no longer in danger of crying again tonight, with everything out in the open as it is.
Once Dimitri is finished dabbing everything away, he breathes and curls against Dimitri's chest once more, quite comfortable where he is despite the fact he probably shouldn't indulge...]
[They both shouldn't indulge, but damn if Dimitri doesn't want to anyway. He's all shy smiles and red cheeks as Felix settles on his chest again, carefully curling the arm beneath his pillow to cradle the back of his head.]
Good night, Felix, [he says, adoration embarrassingly obvious in his warm tone.]
[Felix pauses, equally warm as Dimitri as he sleepily considers what he was about to say as a natural course of things.]
...Dimitri.
[A faint smile plays on his lips as he closes his eyes and lets those words spill forth his tongue. There's... nothing really to it at this point. Wrapped in this familiar warmth, it's easy to push away his guilt with regard to expressing his feelings towards Dimitri in such a manner. Easier to fall into old habits, especially when he knows it's reciprocated and when he's tired the way he is at the moment, more than willing to take a trip to the land of sleep.]
[Though Dimitri doesn't say a word, the hitch in his breath and the way his hold tightens upon hearing Felix call his name is telling. Now he's the one swallowing untimely tears, even if it's just a slight constricting of his throat and the barest prickle at the corner of his eyes. It felt like he lost everything after Duscur — even the people who weren't there seemed distant by the time he recovered enough to notice. Only his memories of his time with Edelgard and Dedue remained untainted. Edelgard doesn't even remember him, and Dedue has now joined the rest of his dearest friends in pushing him away with titles (or, in Felix's case, derogatory nicknames). Having Felix call his name when he's properly conscious after what seems like a lifetime feels like he's gaining something back instead of having everything slowly slip through his fingers.
He's almost afraid to fall asleep and wake to find this night was a dream, but he diligently closes his eyes anyway, knowing he has to get up early if he wants to avoid a potential lecture from Ingrid.]
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cynicfelixity) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
amewsbox2020-01-09 12:53 pm
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I am as well. I always seem to fumble around you... it is easy to pretend with everyone else, but...
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Swallowing, Felix resolves to look up from where he's hiding, his eyes on Dimitri's face.]
...I don't want you to pretend, [Felix says slowly, mouth dry as he licks his lips in anxiety, willing himself to keep his gaze steady despite the wild beating of his heart.]
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Felix...
[Goddess, he wants to kiss him. It would be wrong, wouldn't it? Or at the very least, it would be a bad idea with him still hurt so badly. Dimitri bites down on his lower lip in an attempt to regain some clarity, leaving visible marks from his teeth.]
...then I won't pretend with you.
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Now, he just selfishly wishes to remain close. No, even closer, inching closer as he watches Dimitri with parted lips, drawn to him by an unseen force.]
Promise me.
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It's too late. No matter how wrong they might be, there's no running away from his feelings or Dimitri's and the way they percieve each other in that respect. It's every bit sweet as it is bitter, a taste Felix finds sour in his mouth, painful to swallow as it is to acknowledge as a matter of fact.
How is he supposed to protect Dimitri when it's so easy for him to succumb to temptation like this? A temptation he unabashedly enjoys and sighs against as his fingers curl next to Dimitri's chest, his body sinking into it faster than his mind could keep up with.]
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He does regret not pulling the sheet over his lower half as well, though. Warmth is quickly pooling in his belly, the result of which is easily visible without his jacket in the way. At least Felix can't twist enough to look at it for now.]
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Right now, all that's in Dimitri's mind is Felix, absurd as that thought might have been just a scant month ago. Despite how much of a mess Felix is sure to look, he's still affecting Dimitri in a manner only Felix could dream of, the feel of it still surreal against his tear-streaked reality.
There isn't much Felix could do but cling to it the best that he can, interlacing his fingers with Dimitri's once his other hand meets his. Chasing after Dimitri's lips as if it were a resource as precious as the air he's currently lacking, Felix gasps against Dimitri's mouth as he loses himself in that embrace. Wanting more and everything Dimitri is able to give, he presses against Dimitri's side, heat flaring within him as he slowly tangles a leg with Dimitri's.]
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Ah —
[Felix's lips are soft and yielding, and even as embarrassment over his physical state takes hold, the desire to keep going is far stronger. It's just a kiss, but it feels like it says more than he's ever been able to convey with his clumsy words. There are no unfortunate misunderstandings here, only a longing to get closer, to feel him more. Dimitri breathes Felix in, welcoming the fresh wave of heat that pushes away his shyness. His tongue gently probes at the seam of Felix's lips, seeking entry. It's not even close to enough, but he'll satisfy himself joining with him in this small way. As tender and sweet as the kiss is, his hunger for more is plain to see in the way his hands tremble slightly. Holding back is a struggle — but he's not pretending otherwise, and that'll just have to be good enough.]
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We — we can't... do this here.
[In an infirmary where anyone with an emergency might burst in any moment, where Felix is currently unable to so much as lift his arms over his head.]
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Pink creeps to his already rosy cheeks as he presses against Dimitri's shoulder, lashes fluttering downward as he observes the rise and fall of Dimitri's reddened chest.]
Indeed.
[Or ever, despite how much both of them might want it. Still, Felix doesn't know if he'd be strong enough to resist should the opportunity present itself again. For now, he's too weak and unable to push Dimitri or his impulses away. An excuse it might be to his ears, but his body doesn't seem to mind being wrapped around Dimitri like this, insistent on keeping itself glued to Dimitri's the way it is right now.]
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After about half a minute passes and his breathing slows a bit, Dimitri laughs under his breath.]
I will have to make sure to wake up early. I would not put it past Ingrid to see it on my face.
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[Felix sighs, none too comfortable with everything dried up on his face at the moment. Goddess, did he really go ahead and kiss Dimitri like this? What a disaster, in more ways than one...]
I'll need your help in cleaning up.
[While Ingrid is likely to be discreet about his state, owing her an explanation is something he does not look forward to.]
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[Dimitri stretches an arm out for the napkin, wetting it with a glass of water sitting on the bedside table. There's a pitcher there, he can just pour the water out and put fresh if Felix wants some later. He gently dabs Felix's face with the cool cloth, figuring he'd rather get cleaned up now instead of sleeping with dried tear trails all over his face.]
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Once Dimitri is finished dabbing everything away, he breathes and curls against Dimitri's chest once more, quite comfortable where he is despite the fact he probably shouldn't indulge...]
Thanks.
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Good night, Felix, [he says, adoration embarrassingly obvious in his warm tone.]
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[Felix pauses, equally warm as Dimitri as he sleepily considers what he was about to say as a natural course of things.]
...Dimitri.
[A faint smile plays on his lips as he closes his eyes and lets those words spill forth his tongue. There's... nothing really to it at this point. Wrapped in this familiar warmth, it's easy to push away his guilt with regard to expressing his feelings towards Dimitri in such a manner. Easier to fall into old habits, especially when he knows it's reciprocated and when he's tired the way he is at the moment, more than willing to take a trip to the land of sleep.]
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He's almost afraid to fall asleep and wake to find this night was a dream, but he diligently closes his eyes anyway, knowing he has to get up early if he wants to avoid a potential lecture from Ingrid.]