amewsbox | If I could turn back time...

[What blood that Felix still has flows straight into his cheeks at the idea of Dimitri giving him a sponge bath--never mind that Sylvain and Ingrid and the others are part of that insinuation too. Certainly, they've seen each other bare a couple of times, especially a lot as children, but now, especially in the context of touching...

...Wait. Manuela is waiting for a reply from him. Coughing awkwardly, he says:]

I don't mind you taking care of me, Professor.

[The safest answer in this regard, perhaps...]

[Now isn't that interesting? Dimitri and Felix are both pretty flushed. The way they feel is pretty obvious to Sylvain, but seeing them feel it at the same time is new. First it was Felix trailing after Dimitri like a sad puppy, then Dimitri doing the same to Felix... have they finally synced up? The thought is a little lonely, but more than anything, he's glad they aren't estranged anymore.

...mostly. He still doesn't want to have to stand here and see it for too long. Time to get Felix to tell him to get out!]

Aww, come on, Felix! You used to love it when I helped you take a bath. You were so bad about getting soap in your eyes, it was so cute... oh, but you did like having someone sing to you, so I guess Professor Manuela is actually a pretty good choice.

[That gets Felix to forget where and why he's there for the moment, and it takes a mortified "You'll reopen your wounds!" from Manuela for him to realize that he had started to push himself up. Though even then, he doesn't get far, considering how much his limbs don't want to cooperate with the task.]

...Shut up, Sylvain, [Felix says, groaning from where flops back down as he buries his face into his pillow.] Get out if you're just going to be a nuisance.

["...We'll take our leave," Ingrid says, hooking an arm around Sylvain, prepared to drag him out if need be. "Sorry about the disturbance, Professor, Felix."]

[Mission accomplished. Dimitri stays behind long enough to help Manuela by moving the bed back where it belongs, then he clears out too, eager for that bath. The longer he's awake, the more he notices how sticky with sweat he got...

By the time Sylvain returns with lunch (some stew, though not as spicy as Felix would like it at Manuela's request), Manuela will have seen to making sure Felix is cleaned up and carefully propped in a sitting position with pillows and rolled towels keeping the pressure off his wound. He probably won't be able to sleep as deeply that way, but staying on his stomach for too long will give him some serious neck pain, so up he will remain until after the last meal of the day. Seeing him sitting up is heartening, and there's no trace of the teasing from earlier in Sylvain's smile as he approaches the bed, pulling the chair up close.]

Hey, you.

[Felix gazes at Sylvain with some suspicion at first, but when he finds no trace of mocking in his smile, he exhales and relaxes his shoulders against the pillows.]

Hey.

[Though Felix does not return Sylvain's smile, he's a lot less sullen after dismissing the threat of being teased. That, and the soup Sylvain brings with him smells rather appetizing, better than the bowl of vegetable soup he had for breakfast...

He gazes at it expectantly, waiting for Sylvain to just get this embarrassing affair over with.]

[After taking a brief bite himself to make sure it's still warm, he scoops up a hunk of meat and brings it up to Felix's mouth, his other hand hovering under the spoon in case any of the liquid drips. He'll wait until he's had a little while to chew before speaking, lowering the spoon back into the bowl.]

...it really is good to see you awake again. You were so pale when they rushed you in...

[Compared to Manuela taking care of him earlier, somehow, it's a lot more embarrassing to have Sylvain spoonfeed him like this. Certainly, Sylvain hasn't had to do anything of the sort considering Glenn was the one that had to look after him on occasion, but still, it twists his stomach into uncomfortable knots.

At least the soup is good. Not as spicy as he wants it to be, but it has a way of making him realize how hungry he is, even with that soup from earlier.]

I should've been more careful, [Felix says, casting his gaze to the side. Not that there really was much he could've done in that situation. What's up with that headache and illusion anyway? Was that Tomas' doing too? He's not sure if their organization is capable of doing it, but he wouldn't put it past them.]

[You should've been with us.

They're words he keeps to himself, even if he can't completely keep the thought from twisting the smile off his lips briefly. But if they'd all been together, it never would have happened. Same with Dimitri getting hurt — if he wasn't so torn up over Felix, he wouldn't have fallen like that. Being apart like this isn't good for either one of them.]

I wasn't trying to scold you, [he says softly, lifting up another spoonful.]

I'm just... glad you're here. You can't go dying without me like that.

[Sylvain's jovial tone is gone, and expected as it is, it still aches to hear. Felix keeps his eyes on the spoon as Sylvain feeds him another mouthful, flavorful against his tongue.]

I won't. We promised.

[Felix can't forget that. Not that he wants to. Especially when it's what brought Sylvain and him together during trying days, after hard-fought battles he partook in for the sake of a peace he sought as penance for his sin...

Until Felix betrayed Sylvain for the battlefield, that is.]

Good, [he whispers, leaning in to rest his forehead against the side of Felix's head briefly. After a deep breath, he straightens up again and puts on another smile. Though Felix at this age likely wouldn't have been able to see the cracks in it, after seeing Sylvain during the war, seeing him have to fight his friends, they're far easier to spot.

This time the bite is vegetables, Felix will just have to live with it.]

...you know, Felix. The professor invited me to join the Black Eagles before, too.

[Felix grimaces at the bite, but keeps at it, chewing slowly in an effort to calm his nerves at seeing Sylvain's mask start to crack.

Yet Sylvain upsets them a moment later anyway, and it takes everything for Felix to keep his expression steady before it settles into a frown.

Of course, Felix knows. It's an idle thought confided in him one time, when all they had was each other in a sea of black and red, a small concern that blossomed into something more when Felix had decided to heed the call of his sword over his shield. Just as Felix had taken away Dimitri's shield, he had also taken away Dimitri's watchtower. Leveled it away, even if it's not by his own choice, that's where they were at when Felix belatedly realized his mistake.]

...You mustn't, [Felix whispers through gritted teeth.

Don't make the same mistake I did, but even without that unseen force keeping him from saying so, Felix knows those words will never willingly make it past his lips.]

I only waited to come here so we could all be together, anyway. And...

[Sylvain looks down at the bowl, idly nudging the potatoes around, his forehead rippled with the tumultuous feelings churning around in his gut.]

...if you're worried about Dimitri, he basically told me to.

[Just as he did before, not that either them know it here in the past or that Sylvain told Felix in the first place. Unable to be at Felix's side himself, Dimitri was only able to soothe his worries knowing that Sylvain was there instead, that they had each other amongst the relative strangers in the Black Eagles.]

[Now that's something Felix never knew, and his eyes widen with respect to that. Though really, should he be surprised? It's just like Dimitri, that self-sacrificing idiot, to send one of his precious friends to look after another...

His stomach knots once more, guilt clawing at his chest as he forces a lump down his throat, willing it to stop from rising further.]

He's an idiot, [Felix says, keeping his eyes on his lap.] Don't listen to him.

[Is Dimitri really an idiot? Look what happened to Felix! And from the sound of it, the force responsible for what happened in Remire probably has an agenda...

If the professor asks him again, he's not so sure he'll be able to say no.

With a sigh, he gets Felix another bite with meat, feeding it to him without confirming his plans.]

...it's good to see you guys getting along again.

[And Felix takes that bite, unsure as he is if Sylvain has any plans of taking him seriously.

At those words, he forces himself to swallow everything down before he's finished chewing, nearly choking on it as a result.]

I just couldn't stand the miserable look on his face, [Felix says, coloring slightly. Of course, there is more to it than that. With how time's flow seems to have changed since Felix's arrival of a kind, it's all the more important for him to keep an eye things. Especially on Dimitri when he can. If this injury--and Dimitri's previous one--is any indication, it seems that he is capable of changing things and affecting them with his actions.

Maybe, just maybe, he could prevent a certain fate from befalling Dimitri as it had back then.]

It was pretty hard to watch.

[But save for a few gentle nudges here and there, Sylvain knew better than to push Felix to accept Dimitri again. Forcing his hand wouldn't accomplish anything — and if he irritated Felix enough, Felix might just push him away, too. Of all the aspects of Glenn's personality he could have chosen to emulate, he just had to choose being a grump...

Smiling to himself, he shakes his head.]

You gonna start eating with us in the dining hall again? I think we'd all like it.

I guess.

[Felix sighs. It's not like he was close to anyone in particular from the Black Eagles house anyway. Most of those relationships grew during the war anyway, not at the point in time when they were all much more carefree...]

If none of you are annoying about it.

[A crooked smile forms on Felix's lips. He can imagine it, though. Dimitri's starry-eyed puppy gaze, Sylvain's jabs to lighten the atmosphere, Ingrid telling everyone to calm down--if only to sneak a small snipe at him a moment later if she isn't busy with whatever food is in front of her. It's something the Felix of the past would find irritating indeed, but now... there's just a sense of peace washing over him as he imagines a scene he thought he'd never be able to experience again.]

Hah — I'll do my best.

[Chances are he'll annoy him a little regardless, but not specifically about sitting with them! Chuckling to himself, he feeds Felix another bite.]

Any requests for dinner? I'll let Dimitri know.

...Meat.

[Felix wrinkles his nose, not sure how long he'll last at the mercy of vegetables.]

That's all.

[Well, something spicier that this soup would be nice too, but that might be asking for too much given the stage of recovery he's at.]

You got it.

[Sylvain is content to feed him the rest of the stew in relative silence, vegetables and all — though he does take care to make sure he portions out those bites to not be too objectionable. He ensures Felix gets a glass of water as well, at which point he hears the bell marking the end of the hour.]

Guess I better clear out pretty soon... want me to braid your hair to keep it out of your face first?

[Tempting as it is to turn down the offer in a misguided sense of pride, Felix nods after a moment's consideration.]

Sure.

[It's going to be irritating having it in his face especially when it takes so much effort to lift his limbs, after all.]

[With a grin, he gets up to grab something to tie his hair off with. Sylvain perches on the side of the bed this time, carefully combing Felix's hair back with his fingers and separating it into plaits. Once that's done, he starts a loose french braid that can hold those shorter hairs near the front in place. He'll sweep Felix's hair over his shoulder to finish the braid, not about to make him lean forward so he can do it from behind. Sylvain arranges the braid out of Felix's way when he's finished, leaning in close to tuck a few stray hairs behind his ears with a warm, gentle touch.]

There. It should be out of your way now.

[Those hands gently combing through his hair are familiar enough, bringing to mind days spent in bed together, warming each other in the cool wake of the consequences of their actions. Sylvain, back then, mentioned how he liked Felix's hair, reverent as he tucked away those stray strands out of his face.

Then and now, the touch is the same, which brings to mind a certain question: how long has Sylvain always wanted this? Has he been holding himself back since the day he first approached Felix with that proposition? Or is Felix yet tainting a memory from their childhood with something from his regret-filled reality?

Felix swallows, eyes fluttering shut as he hopes for the act to prevent the wetness prickling his eyes from falling]

...Thanks.

[It doesn't, and a tear manages to escape its hold, cursing him with the prospect of being known.]

[There it is. Just like Dimitri said, Felix is crying. Just seeing it breaks his heart, and though he really should go before he's more than just fashionably late for class, he can't bring himself to do it. Sylvain leans in until Felix's face is lightly touching his chest, cradling the back of his head in the best approximation of a hug that he can give right now. He doesn't say anything, simply holding him without comment.]

[Instead of stopping his tears from flowing, Sylvain holding him close just serves to fuel them. Just like that night with Dimitri, when certain nightmares refused to leave him and all Felix has is the past to both comfort and spite him for the decisions he can never take back.

Even if this redone reality seems to hint otherwise, Felix thinks there's some that he simply can't reverse. Like his decision to stay with the Black Eagles. While simply saying he changed his mind can do the trick, it isn't as simple as that. There are things he can only do by virtue of being in this house, and if he wants to effect more change to the effect of preventing one unkind future, he won't accomplish them by staying in Manuela's class and chasing after Dimitri's tail like the forlorn puppy he once was.

But even in the face of this resolve, he still cries next to Sylvain, pressing his face against his chest as if he were six years old and unable to play with Dimitri. Which, in an ironic twist of fate, is kind of the situation now, isn't it? To protect Dimitri's future, it's a necessity for him to stay away and shield him from afar. There's no going around it, lest he risk the past repeating itself.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject