[Pathetic as it is, he feels like he might be able to, now. Goddess, is this how Felix used to feel asking him to come sleep in his bed? It's no wonder he was in tears half the time. Despite the blood loss, he's pretty sure his face must be a little pink.]
[That right there is the last thing Felix expected to hear, eyes wide as saucers when he meets Dimitri's completely serious gaze.
And well, pink cheeks.]
...Sure.
[Felix's cheeks mirror that blush, realizing what he just said and agreed to. Goddess, what is he even thinking?! They're... hardly children any more, yet...
This was how Felix chased away those nightmares too, wasn't it? By crawling into Dimitri or Glenn's bed, crying himself to sleep until tiredness would overtake him.
But hopefully this would be less tearful and more restful for Dimitri, especially with what he needs to recover from. Adjusting his chair slightly, Felix moves to scoot closer, laying his hands tentatively on the side of the bed, available in case Dimitri wanted to reach out for them.]
[Even though he'd been completely serious asking him, even though Felix asked him to stay over when he gets out of here, he still kind of expected him to refuse. That he doesn't startles that sad puppy look off his face, and when he looks at Felix's hands on the bed, he actually smiles, be it ever so slight. It reaches his eyes, though, so that's certainly something.
Taking Felix's hand because Felix is upset is one thing, doing it entirely for himself is another. Dimitri does place his hand right next to his, close enough that the edges touch, but he doesn't actually properly grab on.]
Thank you, [he murmurs, closing his eyes both in an attempt to try and sleep and to spare himself from having to see Felix's reaction.]
[The heat spread across his face doesn't fade even when Dimitri closes his eyes, especially when the smile Dimitri gives him causes Felix's heart to flutter, stomach flopping oddly at the rather genuine gesture far from the fake front Dimitri prefers to put up. It's a look that suits Dimitri more, but hell if Felix is about to admit that.
So he settles for keeping his promise, waiting for Dimitri to fall asleep.
---
It takes three days later for Dimitri to be released from the infirmary, but even then, it comes with the caveat of him not being allowed to strain himself. Droves of people surround Dimitri at each turn, more than eager to help out their dear prince, a fact that Felix still can't help but roll his eyes at, especially when it's accompanied by that mostly fake princely smile Dimitri likes to wear.
Between that and Felix's own classes, there isn't really any opportunity for Felix to catch Dimitri alone, just to confirm that he had not forgotten about their agreement. It almost seems that way to Felix in all honesty, so it's with some hesitation that he grabs his bedroll and knocks at Dimitri's door that evening, frowning slightly at it.]
[It's exhausting, being fussed over so much. It was like this after Duscur, too — people fretting at him for every little thing while he recovered, falling over themselves to try and anticipate his needs. He hated it then, and he hates it just as much now. He smiles for everyone anyway, wanting to put them at ease. By the end of the day, he just feels numb.
But he hasn't forgotten. Why is it that he's looking forward to this when all the fussing from everyone else is putting him on edge? Maybe it's because of the way Felix initially asked him, asking for Dimitri to stay with him rather than saying he would stay with Dimitri. It makes it feel more genuine, though he doesn't doubt Felix would downplay it if he were to bring it up now. He'll have changed into his nightclothes by the time Felix knocks, nursing a cup of tea while he goes over classwork that he missed. He seems rather shy as he opens the door, offering up that same tiny smile.]
Come in. I was just trying to catch up on some class work.
[Mentally preparing himself for an "I'm busy" rejection, or perhaps no one being there at all, Dimitri remembering comes as a bit of a surprise. Once he gets a hold of his expression, Felix pushes the unlocked door open, taking a step inside. He leaves his bedroll by an empty corner, a hand on his hip as he shakes his head slightly.]
I'll get my night clothes. I won't be long.
[And Felix isn't, grabbing them in record time before he locks the door to his own room and ducking into Dimitri's for good.]
Do you need help with it? [Felix asks as he begins to unfurl his bedroll, spreading it flat across the floor by Dimitri's bed.]
[He'll have the pot of tea heating again despite how quickly Felix leaves and comes back, but the papers are all neatly tucked away. He gives Felix a bit of an odd look, shaking his head after a moment.]
I would imagine our curriculum is different, is it not? I will have plenty of time to catch up since I am not permitted on the training grounds for the next week.
[It's not just him trying to soothe any worries, either: Dimitri spends a lot of time training, and he knows Felix knows it.]
[Is that the sound of Felix airing out his blanket a little too hard? Indeed it is. After a sharp snapping sound, Felix lets it fall back down, turning his back towards Dimitri as he kneels on it and starts to untie his hair.]
I just don't want to owe you anything.
[Considering he's to blame for Dimitri's lack of sleep...]
[Dimitri looks a little baffled for a moment, but then he shakes his head.]
You do not owe me anything, Felix. Professor Manuela is...
[A bit of a dick crazy drunk, but he's too polite to say that.]
...nice, but she lacks in the areas you wish to study. I do not resent you for it. Unless you are referring to the expectations of our families? I would not ask you to devote your life to something you don't believe in.
[Felix's hair falls loosely around his face and shoulders, and as if that weren't distracting enough, he starts undressing, too. Why?! Wouldn't he just have changed in his own room? Is he planning on not wearing anything to sleep? Goddess preserve him, he wouldn't be able to survive that. Dimitri might valiantly stamp down any inappropriate feelings he has for Felix considering the sorry state of their friendship, but all the denial in the world can't protect him from at least acknowledging that he's... pretty. Dimitri quickly shuffles over to the teapot, clearing his throat.]
[Unbuttoning his shirt helps a bit, though not by much. Once he shrugs it off, he wastes no time in donning his nightshirt and folding up his discarded clothing for wearing again the next day. He'll still have to take off his pants, but Dimitri's question distracts him from the task, and he tilts his head to give him a level glance.]
Sure, I'll get it later.
[Is... Dimitri embarrassed? How strange, they have changed in front of each other quite a number of times...]
...What's the matter?
[Or maybe it's something else, and he's reading this wrong.]
[They have, but not in a room alone together — coincidentally meeting at the baths with other people present is a far cry from Felix undressing in his room. He nods stiffly at that "later", opting to just pour himself a cup and put the pot and the extra cup out in plain sight for Felix to have at his leisure. He has his own cup in hand as he turns to go back to bed, but then Felix calls him out on his anxieties. There's an ominous sounding crack from that cup, prompting Dimitri to quickly drain it before the tea leaks out. It burns, but he endures it, looking distinctly uncomfortable.]
[Felix does away with his pants while waiting for Dimitri's answer. But then there's that cracking sound, and not really thinking on it, Felix rises sharply to his feet, eyes wide with concern as he reaches out towards Dimitri, about to ask a certain question--]
...I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?
[Felix lowers his head, ashamed at the realization that comes to him. It's been a while they've had any kind of sleepover after all, and given how Felix has been treating Dimitri prior...
No wonder Dimitri is so nervous. He must think Felix is about to snap at him for the smallest things...]
[Dimitri discreetly lowers that cup into the trash, knowing that it's done for. A crack on the side with the handle? Better to just toss it out. He lifts his gaze to look at Felix again when he speaks up, noticing the way his hand had been extended.
Then he laughs — more of a giggle, really.]
A little bit, [he admits, stepping in to tentatively take hold of his hand, ready to jerk away if he gets a negative reaction. Felix isn't wrong, he is kind of expecting it. Even so, he continues:]
But... I am glad you are here all the same. I've missed you.
[The laugh comes as a surprise, especially with the admittance that follows thereafter. But Dimitri holds on to his hand, and Felix, dumbfounded, just stares as Dimitri clasps it, sincere with his words.
Felix tchs, looking away as a blush creeps to his cheeks.]
I... I just want you to quit worrying about me. That's all.
[Dimitri isn't the only one that missed this familiar closeness, but Felix isn't really inclined to admit that. Not right now, when things are barely back, and not when he hasn't ascertained what he can or cannot do in this strange reality.]
[It's every bit as sincere as his confession. He won't hide that he was terribly worried about Felix, just as he won't hide that he's deeply relieved to have him here, safe, not secretly being blackmailed into doing something nefarious or whatever. Slightly reluctant, Dimitri lets go, making his way back to his bed to settle back down. The look in his eyes is painfully fond as he curls up on his side facing Felix, the icy hue thawing into a clear blue sky.]
[Is Felix's defiant declaration as he turns back to his drawstring pajamas, pulling them over his legs before he marches over to where the tea is, trying not to notice how... blue Dimitri's eyes are as he takes a sip off it while standing up.
It's just not any kind of blue--it's one that reminds him of the spring sky when everything starts to thaw around Fhirdiad, and they could finally start playing outside again...]
[Wait, this is for more than one night? Dimitri just gapes for a moment, but once it sinks it he's just...
He doesn't even know, but he's happy, at any rate. He's not cold, but he'll pull the blanket over himself anyway so that he can tug it up to his nose, concealing most of his pink cheeks. Goddess, but it's embarrassing to be this happy over a sleepover, like he's a little kid or something!]
I imagine your back would start hurting before too long. These floors are not forgiving.
[With the tea having chilled a good bit, Felix manages to down two thirds of it, staring into what remains.]
We've camped out with worse conditions.
[Compared to the forest floor and some jagged terrain they had the pleasure of traversing, the dormitory stone is practically comfortable, to say the least of it.]
[Goddess willing, he'll never have to. Sleeping is already a nightmare, and he doesn't really sleep much when they have to camp. Dimitri lowers his blanket shield, one hand creeping outward to curl his fingers on the edge of the mattress instead.]
[True, but even this Felix isn't about to admit that. Finishing the rest of his cup, he sets it back on the table before retreating to his bedroll.]
Whatever. Good night.
[Pulling his blanket over himself, he curls to the side, his back to Dimitri as he effects some semblance of sleep on the floor. Given that he's gone through a lot more campaigns than Dimitri had at this point in time, it's not exactly a complex feat to deal with, in any case.]
Good night, Felix, [he says softly, sitting up again to blow out the candles.
He can't sleep, of course. His gaze is drawn by the silhouette of Felix's sleeping form. He still sleeps exactly the same way, curled over with his fists drawn in toward his chest, like a little baby. It's strange to see him this vulnerable again after so long. Just what was it that changed? He truly thought that Felix had come to hate him — it was easy to believe because of how much he hates himself. But if he did, then he wouldn't be here like this, wouldn't have checked on him after he got hurt, wouldn't have cried...
Has Felix been the same as him all this time, too angry at the injustice of it all to be able to feel much of anything else? It's something he'll spend the rest of the night thinking about.]
[Felix manages to sleep just fine, even if his rest happens to be light variety. But nothing ever warrants him to wake up from it, and the next night is more of the same, despite Dimitri looking on with undisguised concern as he lays on the floor tucked inside his bedroll.
The last night, however, comes with some unconscious troubles in the form of his dreams, with this particular one having him toss and turn in bed it usually does. Brows furrowed, he clutches at his sheets, grip white-knuckled as his breath hitches in his throat, dwelling in an image so clear in his mind.]
[The second night, Dimitri actually manages to sleep. It's comforting to have Felix there, even if it is a little embarrassing to be comforted by such a childish thing. It doesn't stop him from worrying a bit, though, and on that last night, he sees that he was right to worry: Felix is twisting around on his bedroll, his breathing not at all the soft, steady rhythm of a person soundly asleep. It's the disruption in his breathing that has Dimitri stirring, having been using it like white noise to block out more unpleasant things. He leans over the bed, peering down at Felix, taking in all the telltale signs of a nightmare.
Should he wake him? Will Felix be angry if he does? This peace between them feels so fragile, and fear of breaking it paralyzes him, leaving him gazing sorrowfully at Felix, helpless.]
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cynicfelixity) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
amewsbox2020-01-09 12:53 pm
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[Pathetic as it is, he feels like he might be able to, now. Goddess, is this how Felix used to feel asking him to come sleep in his bed? It's no wonder he was in tears half the time. Despite the blood loss, he's pretty sure his face must be a little pink.]
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And well, pink cheeks.]
...Sure.
[Felix's cheeks mirror that blush, realizing what he just said and agreed to. Goddess, what is he even thinking?! They're... hardly children any more, yet...
This was how Felix chased away those nightmares too, wasn't it? By crawling into Dimitri or Glenn's bed, crying himself to sleep until tiredness would overtake him.
But hopefully this would be less tearful and more restful for Dimitri, especially with what he needs to recover from. Adjusting his chair slightly, Felix moves to scoot closer, laying his hands tentatively on the side of the bed, available in case Dimitri wanted to reach out for them.]
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Taking Felix's hand because Felix is upset is one thing, doing it entirely for himself is another. Dimitri does place his hand right next to his, close enough that the edges touch, but he doesn't actually properly grab on.]
Thank you, [he murmurs, closing his eyes both in an attempt to try and sleep and to spare himself from having to see Felix's reaction.]
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So he settles for keeping his promise, waiting for Dimitri to fall asleep.
---
It takes three days later for Dimitri to be released from the infirmary, but even then, it comes with the caveat of him not being allowed to strain himself. Droves of people surround Dimitri at each turn, more than eager to help out their dear prince, a fact that Felix still can't help but roll his eyes at, especially when it's accompanied by that mostly fake princely smile Dimitri likes to wear.
Between that and Felix's own classes, there isn't really any opportunity for Felix to catch Dimitri alone, just to confirm that he had not forgotten about their agreement. It almost seems that way to Felix in all honesty, so it's with some hesitation that he grabs his bedroll and knocks at Dimitri's door that evening, frowning slightly at it.]
It's me.
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But he hasn't forgotten. Why is it that he's looking forward to this when all the fussing from everyone else is putting him on edge? Maybe it's because of the way Felix initially asked him, asking for Dimitri to stay with him rather than saying he would stay with Dimitri. It makes it feel more genuine, though he doesn't doubt Felix would downplay it if he were to bring it up now. He'll have changed into his nightclothes by the time Felix knocks, nursing a cup of tea while he goes over classwork that he missed. He seems rather shy as he opens the door, offering up that same tiny smile.]
Come in. I was just trying to catch up on some class work.
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I'll get my night clothes. I won't be long.
[And Felix isn't, grabbing them in record time before he locks the door to his own room and ducking into Dimitri's for good.]
Do you need help with it? [Felix asks as he begins to unfurl his bedroll, spreading it flat across the floor by Dimitri's bed.]
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I would imagine our curriculum is different, is it not? I will have plenty of time to catch up since I am not permitted on the training grounds for the next week.
[It's not just him trying to soothe any worries, either: Dimitri spends a lot of time training, and he knows Felix knows it.]
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I just don't want to owe you anything.
[Considering he's to blame for Dimitri's lack of sleep...]
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[Dimitri looks a little baffled for a moment, but then he shakes his head.]
You do not owe me anything, Felix. Professor Manuela is...
[A bit of a dick crazy drunk, but he's too polite to say that.]
...nice, but she lacks in the areas you wish to study. I do not resent you for it. Unless you are referring to the expectations of our families? I would not ask you to devote your life to something you don't believe in.
[Or someone.]
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...Quit drawing baseless assumptions.
[For however, well, not baseless they actually are. Felix certainly made no secret of some feelings at this point in time...
Sighing, he begins to work on his shirt next, fingers flying over the buttons as he uses the action to try and regain some semblance of cool.]
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Would you like a cup?
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Sure, I'll get it later.
[Is... Dimitri embarrassed? How strange, they have changed in front of each other quite a number of times...]
...What's the matter?
[Or maybe it's something else, and he's reading this wrong.]
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...it doesn't matter.
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...I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?
[Felix lowers his head, ashamed at the realization that comes to him. It's been a while they've had any kind of sleepover after all, and given how Felix has been treating Dimitri prior...
No wonder Dimitri is so nervous. He must think Felix is about to snap at him for the smallest things...]
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Then he laughs — more of a giggle, really.]
A little bit, [he admits, stepping in to tentatively take hold of his hand, ready to jerk away if he gets a negative reaction. Felix isn't wrong, he is kind of expecting it. Even so, he continues:]
But... I am glad you are here all the same. I've missed you.
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Felix tchs, looking away as a blush creeps to his cheeks.]
I... I just want you to quit worrying about me. That's all.
[Dimitri isn't the only one that missed this familiar closeness, but Felix isn't really inclined to admit that. Not right now, when things are barely back, and not when he hasn't ascertained what he can or cannot do in this strange reality.]
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[It's every bit as sincere as his confession. He won't hide that he was terribly worried about Felix, just as he won't hide that he's deeply relieved to have him here, safe, not secretly being blackmailed into doing something nefarious or whatever. Slightly reluctant, Dimitri lets go, making his way back to his bed to settle back down. The look in his eyes is painfully fond as he curls up on his side facing Felix, the icy hue thawing into a clear blue sky.]
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[Is Felix's defiant declaration as he turns back to his drawstring pajamas, pulling them over his legs before he marches over to where the tea is, trying not to notice how... blue Dimitri's eyes are as he takes a sip off it while standing up.
It's just not any kind of blue--it's one that reminds him of the spring sky when everything starts to thaw around Fhirdiad, and they could finally start playing outside again...]
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He doesn't even know, but he's happy, at any rate. He's not cold, but he'll pull the blanket over himself anyway so that he can tug it up to his nose, concealing most of his pink cheeks. Goddess, but it's embarrassing to be this happy over a sleepover, like he's a little kid or something!]
I imagine your back would start hurting before too long. These floors are not forgiving.
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We've camped out with worse conditions.
[Compared to the forest floor and some jagged terrain they had the pleasure of traversing, the dormitory stone is practically comfortable, to say the least of it.]
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[Goddess willing, he'll never have to. Sleeping is already a nightmare, and he doesn't really sleep much when they have to camp. Dimitri lowers his blanket shield, one hand creeping outward to curl his fingers on the edge of the mattress instead.]
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Whatever. Good night.
[Pulling his blanket over himself, he curls to the side, his back to Dimitri as he effects some semblance of sleep on the floor. Given that he's gone through a lot more campaigns than Dimitri had at this point in time, it's not exactly a complex feat to deal with, in any case.]
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He can't sleep, of course. His gaze is drawn by the silhouette of Felix's sleeping form. He still sleeps exactly the same way, curled over with his fists drawn in toward his chest, like a little baby. It's strange to see him this vulnerable again after so long. Just what was it that changed? He truly thought that Felix had come to hate him — it was easy to believe because of how much he hates himself. But if he did, then he wouldn't be here like this, wouldn't have checked on him after he got hurt, wouldn't have cried...
Has Felix been the same as him all this time, too angry at the injustice of it all to be able to feel much of anything else? It's something he'll spend the rest of the night thinking about.]
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The last night, however, comes with some unconscious troubles in the form of his dreams, with this particular one having him toss and turn in bed it usually does. Brows furrowed, he clutches at his sheets, grip white-knuckled as his breath hitches in his throat, dwelling in an image so clear in his mind.]
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Should he wake him? Will Felix be angry if he does? This peace between them feels so fragile, and fear of breaking it paralyzes him, leaving him gazing sorrowfully at Felix, helpless.]
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