[Felix allows Dimitri to pull him in, and after Felix's head has been properly resting on his shoulder for a few moments, Dimitri carefully enfolds him in a gentle embrace. One hand comes to rest between his shoulder blades, the other cradles his head. Though his hands are much larger than they were back when they were children, the warmth is the same, as is the manner in which he starts stroking Felix's back.]
I didn't mean to scare you.
[Not when he withdraw after Duscur, not back when they quelled the rebellion, and not just a few days ago when he stupidly got himself hurt during battle.]
[Swallowing the bitterness that comes with Dimitri's apology, Felix simply buries his head in that embrace, trying to choke out words before some syllables finally make it out of him.]
It's... not that...
[The nostalgia of it all, coupled with his relief at finally being able to say something has Felix crying some more. His frustration at his inability to properly communicate still lingers, but it's far too overshadowed by his desire to cling to this familiar warmth, to this very much alive Dimitri that feels like a dream that may slip away any moment.]
Dimitri doesn't ask. Whatever it is, it upsets Felix all the more when he tries to say it, and though he desperately wants to help him with it, he doesn't want to cause him further distress. It's like when they were children, in a way — Felix crying too much to properly explain just what upset him, so Dimitri would just hold him until he felt better...]
...we do not have to discuss it now. Would you... come and lie down with me?
[Asking if Felix wants to even do such a thing would be better, but he knows him well enough to know he would refuse with that phrasing. If it's for Dimitri's sake, then perhaps his pride will allow him to do it.]
[Felix knows, damn well knows what those words are code for. For Dimitri to care enough to choose them so carefully has Felix gritting his teeth, wondering what possessed him to take all of these acts of kindness for-granted. Dimitri is a fool for caring so much for an idiot like him, but honestly, so is Felix for letting everything pass him by.
And Felix, foolish as he is, nods into Dimitri's shirt, wanting to keep this reality close, away from the nightmares that would dare to wrench it away from him.]
[The answer is not entirely a surprise, but he's still stupidly happy to hear it. How pathetic, being glad Felix is upset enough to need to seek comfort in him again like this...
Yet he is, all the same. Dimitri draws back just a little, taking hold of Felix's hands. Mindful of his own wounds, he won't pull Felix to his feet, but he will gently tug him up toward his bed, encouraging him to climb up with him. He'll keep that hold as he lies down on his side facing Felix, smiling the same gentle smile he used to wear in those days before Duscur.]
[And Felix allows himself to be led, climbing onto the small bed like it's the most natural thing in the world. It feels like the hands of time turned themselves back one more time, back to an era when Felix could laugh and cry easier, approach life and aspects of it with an ardent passion that had went up in smoke once the tragedy struck.
Those aspects include Dimitri, and the way he smiles as if those past four years have not taken their toll on him. Or stolen away what remained of the innocence and magnificence that Felix chased and revered after. The sight brings forth a renewed wave of tears when Felix sights it once more, covering his face as valiantly attempts to stifle his sobs.]
[Felix cries, and Dimitri just wraps his arms around him, pulling the blankets in as he does so to form a little cocoon. It's easy to fall back on old habits, stroking his hair and gently rubbing between his shoulder blades. He even starts to murmur nonsense about his day, a tactic that usually served as a good distraction to get Felix's mind off whatever nightmare haunted him. Dimitri speaks in a soft voice about his homework, about a cat he saw stealing from the dining hall, the suspiciously crunchy sweets Flayn baked for him.]
[It's ridiculous how easily he falls back into his old habits. So damn easy that it's embarrassing how he clings to Dimitri's shirt like he's five again, how he's burying his face into Dimitri's warmth like he just woke up from some petty nightmare, how he almost barks out a laugh amidst his sobs when Dimitri starts telling him about Flayn's cooking.
Dimitri, Dimitri, Dimitri. It seems Felix is doomed to have this single person close in mind and in proximity for a while, and he finds himself too weak-willed to push away either, his heart far too weary from his guilt-ridden battles both physically and mentally.
Eventually, his sobs give away to a tiredness he hasn't known since Duscur. His breaths slow down as sleeps starts to settle over him once more, mercifully taking him back into its embrace as his consciousness gives out on him, worn out from battles fought and yet to be fought.]
[Dimitri can feel the moment when Felix finally relaxes in his arms. He smiles fondly to himself, hoping that the sleep that's claimed him will be a peaceful one this time. That smile fades slightly when he realizes again how happy he is, and some of the warmth inside him burns and twists into guilty self-loathing.
It'll be all right. He'll be sure to look out for Felix too from now on, to not let his own pain blind him. Dimitri attempts to soothe himself by making that silent vow, and it does dull the ache enough for him to start feeling tired himself. He peeks back at Felix for a moment, brushing away some of the hair that hangs loose in his face, taking in his expression as he slumbers, his heartrate inexplicably climbing. When the urge to kiss Felix's slightly parted lips becomes overwhelming, Dimitri can't ignore it any longer:
He's in love with Felix. He probably always has been.
Dimitri squeezes his eyes shut tightly, trying to banish the realization. He lowers his face, the tip of his nose coming into contact with the crown of Felix's head. Even now, even with the other feelings that stir inside him, he finds his scent soothing. Familiar. Safe. Soon enough, exhaustion pulls Dimitri into sleep as well, sparing him from having to think about it further.
By the time Dimitri wakes, it's late enough that he should already be exiting the dining hall after breakfast. But lying here with Felix just feels so good, tranquil in a way he hasn't experienced in a long, long time. He lets himself come back into consciousness slowly, nuzzling in closer for another few minutes to just drink in the moment. Before too long, though, he can't completely shut out his awareness of the hour, and he draws back enough to catch sight of Felix's face again. Affection swells in his chest, and without thinking about it, he leans over to press a gentle kiss to his forehead.
His brain will catch up with what he did in a second or two.]
[After literally crying himself to sleep, Felix sleeps like a rock, the rest of his sleep mercifully dreamless. Enveloped in a familiar warmth and soothing embrace, it's only natural for his rest to be smooth as it usually is when surrounded by such elements. So comfortable is the phenomenon that Felix does not bother opening his eyes when the realm of wakefulness starts creep up on him, wanting to indulge some more.
Still, he reacts to the (still familiar) kiss on his forehead, wrinkling his nose as his mind starts to catch up with some unpleasant sensations. From the dried, crusty streaks of what seems to be tears and snot on his face to the sheer rawness of his throat and heaviness of his puffy eyes, he feels heavy when his lashes flutter open, blearily eyeing the curve of Dimitri's lips--
Wait, what, Dimitri?!
Awareness is a sharp blade, piercing through his senses as he backs away on reflex. While Felix has enough sense not to push Dimitri in light of his injuries, the same sense does not extend to the way he nearly falls off the tiny bed, only saved by virtue of planting his hands on the floor, rescuing himself from cracking his head open and meeting an unfortunate end in Dimitri's bedroom.
He'll take a moment to gather his wits about him, in any case.]
[So shocked is Dimitri upon realizing he just kissed Felix (even on the forehead!) that Felix easily escapes him, tumbling off the bed with wide eyes. Dimitri quickly sits up and scoots to the edge of the mattress to make sure he's all right.]
Felix! You... did not hurt yourself, did you?
[He'll apologize for his indiscretion after confirming he's okay...!]
[Halfway through falling off anyway and considering the alternative of pressing back against Dimitri, Felix settles for carefully dragging the rest of his body down to the floor, his legs folded to the side as he takes a couple of lungfuls of air to settle his nerves.
And settle they do, mostly in time for Dimitri's concerned words and for Felix to furrow his brows at a certain offending man.]
The hell was that for?!
[He's talking about the forehead kiss, of course. Never mind how embarrassing it is to have Dimitri comforting him to sleep and how that glare of his is undermined by how flushed his cheeks are and how disastrous he looks for sure...]
[Oh no. Oh no, he's angry, he's gone and wrecked everything all over again. The color drains from Dimitri's face entirely, only to come roaring back and set his cheeks ablaze once he notices Felix is red in the face.]
I was — I was still drowsy, I suppose, so I just... I mean, it is not as if I have anyone in my bed like that these days, so —
[Ah, his voice is a good half an octave higher than usual. Swallowing, Dimitri looks away, biting down on his lip to stop the endless stream of jumbled words spewing out of his mouth. When he looks to Felix again he's a little more composed, and he says softly:]
[It's easy enough to continue staring at Dimitri when he flusters like that and promptly looks away, even when he starts sputtering that embarrassing nonsense that has Felix flushing even further. But the intensity by which Felix shoots daggers at his target has him noticing some other things as he watches him like a hawk. Like how the morning sun brings to light the innocent glow of his face, the way his hair looks better when slightly mussed, and how Dimitri looks every bit the prince he pretends to be without bags decorating his eyes...
...Ahem. Now Dimitri is looking at him, and apologizing at that, looking a little sheepish about the whole damn mess. Felix catches himself, lowering his gaze as he hopes for some semblance of dignity to him as he huffs and shuffles to sit on his legs instead, his back to Dimitri's bed.]
Why are you apologizing? All I asked is why you did it.
[Which, well, Dimitri answered. Thank the goddess that today is a free day for them, though. Seiros help them if someone is sent up to call on them...]
Because you sounded rather angry about it. I did not intend to upset you.
[...but he sounds angry about everything these days, doesn't he? As if anger is all he knows. Dimitri just swore to pay better attention last night, honestly!
All right. Perhaps he wasn't angry. If not anger, then what? Was he just flustered? Or...]
[Felix keeps his gaze lowered, all the while hoping there is some method to keep himself from reddening this wildly. Why, oh why does Dimitri have to ask that awkward question, warranted as it is? Far from being upsetting, it was... too comfortable, to say the least of it. Warm like the now bygone days of summer and the past they shared...]
...It's time for breakfast, [Felix says, crawling towards where his bedroll is laid out. He begins to fold it in preparation for rolling it back into its compact form.] I'm going to freshen up before I head to the dining hall.
[Can't have Sylvain or Ingrid hounding after him with tiresome questions, after all.]
[Breakfast is already being served and most people have probably cleared out, but Dimitri won't correct him. It's still early enough in the morning, though it's rather late for someone that rises as early as Dimitri does.
Late enough for it to be noticed, and taking his recent injury into consideration, acted upon. There's a knock at Dimitri's door, Dedue's voice calling out.
"Are you feeling unwell, Your Highness? It is late."
Oh no. What does he say?! Dimitri looks to Felix, eyes wide. Truthfully, he doesn't mind if Dedue knows that Felix stayed over, but he's pretty damn sure Felix would mind.]
[Felix freezes in the middle of standing up, eyes equally wide when he stares at the door, blood running cold at the knowledge of what--or rather, who--lays beyond. Not at all desiring to be perceived despite Dedue's tendency towards silence and discretion, Felix rises as quietly as he can to his feet, grabbing his bedroll and his regular clothes from yesterday.]
Just say you overslept, [Felix hisses under his breath, daring to glance Dimitri's way just so he can hear him a little more clearly.]
I overslept. I will be down for breakfast shortly, [he manages with Felix's prompting, though his tone of voice is notably anxious. Naturally, Dedue picks up on it.
"There is no need. I brought your food, just in case. May I come in?"
Now what?!]
I am just getting dressed, please do not trouble yourself —
[Alas, Dimitri sounds off, and Dedue reads that as him potentially stretching his freshly healed scars trying to get his clothes on.
"Please do not injure yourself. I'm coming in."
The door swings open a moment later, Dimitri just kind of staring blankly at Dedue and then Felix, not sure what he's supposed to say.]
[Dimitri's terrible acting has Felix resisting the urge to facepalm amidst his rising panic and inability to find an exit strategy--
Then the inevitable comes, and no, he's not prepared to see Dedue quietly observing him after that damn dog gives Dimitri a once-over.]
I was just about to leave, [Felix says, chin in the air as he grips his belongings. Without a second look at Dimitri, he begins to walk across the room and past Dedue, hoping that Dedue won't be inclined to call him out on his unusual presence in this room.]
[As always, Dedue has discretion. He does fix Felix with a steely gaze, though, looking for all the world like a dog with its hackles raised. Felix is clearly important to Dimitri, but their estrangement has caused him a great deal of pain — it's a wound he would hate to see Felix patch up and then rip open again.
Though it's hard for him to actually get angry upon seeing the shy way Felix watches Dimitri scurrying out, and harder still when hearing the fondness in his voice.]
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cynicfelixity) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
amewsbox2020-01-09 12:53 pm
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I didn't mean to scare you.
[Not when he withdraw after Duscur, not back when they quelled the rebellion, and not just a few days ago when he stupidly got himself hurt during battle.]
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It's... not that...
[The nostalgia of it all, coupled with his relief at finally being able to say something has Felix crying some more. His frustration at his inability to properly communicate still lingers, but it's far too overshadowed by his desire to cling to this familiar warmth, to this very much alive Dimitri that feels like a dream that may slip away any moment.]
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Dimitri doesn't ask. Whatever it is, it upsets Felix all the more when he tries to say it, and though he desperately wants to help him with it, he doesn't want to cause him further distress. It's like when they were children, in a way — Felix crying too much to properly explain just what upset him, so Dimitri would just hold him until he felt better...]
...we do not have to discuss it now. Would you... come and lie down with me?
[Asking if Felix wants to even do such a thing would be better, but he knows him well enough to know he would refuse with that phrasing. If it's for Dimitri's sake, then perhaps his pride will allow him to do it.]
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And Felix, foolish as he is, nods into Dimitri's shirt, wanting to keep this reality close, away from the nightmares that would dare to wrench it away from him.]
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Yet he is, all the same. Dimitri draws back just a little, taking hold of Felix's hands. Mindful of his own wounds, he won't pull Felix to his feet, but he will gently tug him up toward his bed, encouraging him to climb up with him. He'll keep that hold as he lies down on his side facing Felix, smiling the same gentle smile he used to wear in those days before Duscur.]
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Those aspects include Dimitri, and the way he smiles as if those past four years have not taken their toll on him. Or stolen away what remained of the innocence and magnificence that Felix chased and revered after. The sight brings forth a renewed wave of tears when Felix sights it once more, covering his face as valiantly attempts to stifle his sobs.]
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Dimitri, Dimitri, Dimitri. It seems Felix is doomed to have this single person close in mind and in proximity for a while, and he finds himself too weak-willed to push away either, his heart far too weary from his guilt-ridden battles both physically and mentally.
Eventually, his sobs give away to a tiredness he hasn't known since Duscur. His breaths slow down as sleeps starts to settle over him once more, mercifully taking him back into its embrace as his consciousness gives out on him, worn out from battles fought and yet to be fought.]
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It'll be all right. He'll be sure to look out for Felix too from now on, to not let his own pain blind him. Dimitri attempts to soothe himself by making that silent vow, and it does dull the ache enough for him to start feeling tired himself. He peeks back at Felix for a moment, brushing away some of the hair that hangs loose in his face, taking in his expression as he slumbers, his heartrate inexplicably climbing. When the urge to kiss Felix's slightly parted lips becomes overwhelming, Dimitri can't ignore it any longer:
He's in love with Felix. He probably always has been.
Dimitri squeezes his eyes shut tightly, trying to banish the realization. He lowers his face, the tip of his nose coming into contact with the crown of Felix's head. Even now, even with the other feelings that stir inside him, he finds his scent soothing. Familiar. Safe. Soon enough, exhaustion pulls Dimitri into sleep as well, sparing him from having to think about it further.
By the time Dimitri wakes, it's late enough that he should already be exiting the dining hall after breakfast. But lying here with Felix just feels so good, tranquil in a way he hasn't experienced in a long, long time. He lets himself come back into consciousness slowly, nuzzling in closer for another few minutes to just drink in the moment. Before too long, though, he can't completely shut out his awareness of the hour, and he draws back enough to catch sight of Felix's face again. Affection swells in his chest, and without thinking about it, he leans over to press a gentle kiss to his forehead.
His brain will catch up with what he did in a second or two.]
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Still, he reacts to the (still familiar) kiss on his forehead, wrinkling his nose as his mind starts to catch up with some unpleasant sensations. From the dried, crusty streaks of what seems to be tears and snot on his face to the sheer rawness of his throat and heaviness of his puffy eyes, he feels heavy when his lashes flutter open, blearily eyeing the curve of Dimitri's lips--
Wait, what, Dimitri?!
Awareness is a sharp blade, piercing through his senses as he backs away on reflex. While Felix has enough sense not to push Dimitri in light of his injuries, the same sense does not extend to the way he nearly falls off the tiny bed, only saved by virtue of planting his hands on the floor, rescuing himself from cracking his head open and meeting an unfortunate end in Dimitri's bedroom.
He'll take a moment to gather his wits about him, in any case.]
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Felix! You... did not hurt yourself, did you?
[He'll apologize for his indiscretion after confirming he's okay...!]
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And settle they do, mostly in time for Dimitri's concerned words and for Felix to furrow his brows at a certain offending man.]
The hell was that for?!
[He's talking about the forehead kiss, of course. Never mind how embarrassing it is to have Dimitri comforting him to sleep and how that glare of his is undermined by how flushed his cheeks are and how disastrous he looks for sure...]
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I was — I was still drowsy, I suppose, so I just... I mean, it is not as if I have anyone in my bed like that these days, so —
[Ah, his voice is a good half an octave higher than usual. Swallowing, Dimitri looks away, biting down on his lip to stop the endless stream of jumbled words spewing out of his mouth. When he looks to Felix again he's a little more composed, and he says softly:]
I apologize. It was an old habit.
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...Ahem. Now Dimitri is looking at him, and apologizing at that, looking a little sheepish about the whole damn mess. Felix catches himself, lowering his gaze as he hopes for some semblance of dignity to him as he huffs and shuffles to sit on his legs instead, his back to Dimitri's bed.]
Why are you apologizing? All I asked is why you did it.
[Which, well, Dimitri answered. Thank the goddess that today is a free day for them, though. Seiros help them if someone is sent up to call on them...]
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[...but he sounds angry about everything these days, doesn't he? As if anger is all he knows. Dimitri just swore to pay better attention last night, honestly!
All right. Perhaps he wasn't angry. If not anger, then what? Was he just flustered? Or...]
...was it... not too upsetting?
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[Felix keeps his gaze lowered, all the while hoping there is some method to keep himself from reddening this wildly. Why, oh why does Dimitri have to ask that awkward question, warranted as it is? Far from being upsetting, it was... too comfortable, to say the least of it. Warm like the now bygone days of summer and the past they shared...]
...It's time for breakfast, [Felix says, crawling towards where his bedroll is laid out. He begins to fold it in preparation for rolling it back into its compact form.] I'm going to freshen up before I head to the dining hall.
[Can't have Sylvain or Ingrid hounding after him with tiresome questions, after all.]
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Late enough for it to be noticed, and taking his recent injury into consideration, acted upon. There's a knock at Dimitri's door, Dedue's voice calling out.
"Are you feeling unwell, Your Highness? It is late."
Oh no. What does he say?! Dimitri looks to Felix, eyes wide. Truthfully, he doesn't mind if Dedue knows that Felix stayed over, but he's pretty damn sure Felix would mind.]
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Just say you overslept, [Felix hisses under his breath, daring to glance Dimitri's way just so he can hear him a little more clearly.]
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"There is no need. I brought your food, just in case. May I come in?"
Now what?!]
I am just getting dressed, please do not trouble yourself —
[Alas, Dimitri sounds off, and Dedue reads that as him potentially stretching his freshly healed scars trying to get his clothes on.
"Please do not injure yourself. I'm coming in."
The door swings open a moment later, Dimitri just kind of staring blankly at Dedue and then Felix, not sure what he's supposed to say.]
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Then the inevitable comes, and no, he's not prepared to see Dedue quietly observing him after that damn dog gives Dimitri a once-over.]
I was just about to leave, [Felix says, chin in the air as he grips his belongings. Without a second look at Dimitri, he begins to walk across the room and past Dedue, hoping that Dedue won't be inclined to call him out on his unusual presence in this room.]
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Though it's hard for him to actually get angry upon seeing the shy way Felix watches Dimitri scurrying out, and harder still when hearing the fondness in his voice.]
See you later, Felix.