[...Well. That's a confirmation Felix isn't sure he wanted, especially when it comes with a rather curious reaction from Byleth. But that aside, they have more important things to concern themselves with, especially with their limited time.
So one deep breath later, Felix trains his eyes on Byleth and Sothis, and complies.]
This month, the Black Eagles class will be tasked to investigate ruins related to last week's attack. You end up falling into a trap there, though you do manage to gain some sort of power out of it. Edelgard makes her intentions publicly known in the next month, and stages an assault against the monastery shortly thereafter. After that... you disappear. And in the next month, Cornelia stages her coup.
[He takes out a pocket calendar, sliding it over to Felix to allow him to mark the dates.]
If I cannot win her trust and persuade her to tell me her plans before she carries them out within the next two months, then I will have to side with her when she announces her intentions. I will let you know before our mission that month if that is the case — if so, then you will need to remain behind with Dimitri. Up until that point, I'm going to try to avoid too many changes.
[Felix marks the dates down as requested, circling a range for those he's uncertain about before he hands it back to Byleth.]
...You'll be a tough enemy. As with the rest of the Black Eagles--they'll likely join up with you.
[While the prospect of facing such a strong adversary would get his blood pumping another time, the fact that it'll likely result into unforeseen danger has Felix's mouth set in a grim line.
He's gone soft, hasn't he? All because of Dimitri...]
The monastery falls regardless. But the impact of you joining up with Edelgard should not be taken lightly.
I will find out all that I can about the monastery's defenses beforehand and do my best to mitigate the damage without raising her suspicions. I will also avoid using lethal force as much as possible against the students.
[As for the knights... unfortunately, he's not going to be able to avoid that. Edelgard will understand his desire to spare the students, but if he spares the knights, she'll question his resolve and cease to trust him.
He'll have to speak with his father at some point. Tell him to take his men and find some mission to go on. Byleth rubs at his forehead.]
Let's check in again next month. I'll let you know how things are progressing.
[Byleth nods too, taking the calendar and tucking it away.]
...good luck.
[What else can he really say? He's not one for sentiment, and for the most part, Felix doesn't seem to be either. Byleth rises to unlock the door and let Felix go about his business — which, as of late, seems to be sticking to Dimitri's side like glue.]
[Dimitri, of course, sticks just as closely, if not moreso. He wrings every last moment with Felix that he can out of the days before receiving the records he requested, after which he's forced to direct his attention elsewhere. Though he makes an attempt to spend more time with Edelgard, she rebuffs him for the most part and even disappears with Byleth for a little while. He ends up spending a fair amount of time with Claude instead, actually, sometimes with Sylvain tagging along after he quietly brings him in on things. His personal history with Edelgard is left out of it, though, as is the identity of the Flame Emperor — instead, he just tells him that he saw him near the monastery with Felix nearby and has reason to suspect they need to strengthen the kingdom's position. He doesn't bring it up with Ingrid for now, not wanting to stress her out when the situation might still be averted.
At least he can still spare a day for Felix's birthday. It's a small bright spot in an otherwise bleak two months. His uncle really has torn the kingdom apart...
Not long after, Edelgard and Byleth prove to be treacherous, taking most of the Black Eagles with them as they flee the Holy Tomb. Rhea is a mass of tight fury as she makes the announcement. So much for Byleth being blessed by the goddess. Trembling with rage, Dimitri turns on his heel once she's finished, stalking straight to the training grounds to blow off some steam without a single word.]
[As Felix promised Byleth, he sticks with Dimitri instead of going with the rest of the Black Eagles class in the Holy Tomb. He feels a little sick when he does so, and whether or not it's due to his feelings regarding the matter or a physical consequence of him going against the flow, he doesn't quite know, and the unknown simply adds to his nausea before he manages to get a hold of himself.
But if there is one thing he does know, it's that letting Dimitri out of his sight is something he cannot allow, moreso than ever. So he follows Dimitri into the training grounds, nevermind the aura of a wild animal he radiates as he stalks off.
With preparations for the monastery's defense at hand, the grounds are empty this time of the day, and Felix only speaks once he's sure no one else is within earshot.]
Dimitri...
[If Dimitri will allow it, Felix will lay a hand over his shoulder, an attempt at reassurance.]
[Felix hurries right after him, but Dimitri's already broken a training lance by the time he reaches out. Gritting his teeth he stills, allowing Felix to reach out to him.]
Her own mother... she knows, how could she —
[He hurls the broken tip of the lance at the nearest wall and it practically shatters with the force behind it.]
[Felix squeezes Dimitri's shoulder, leaning in to press his forehead against Dimitri's back as he lets out a tired exhale.]
...We still don't know the full story.
[Rhea... Felix does not remember seeing her act that terrifying outside the time they had to subdue her as the Immaculate One. It's a sight that chills him to the bone as much as Dimitri's rage, a matter which he is unsure he has any control over, still.]
[She's attacked the monastery now, defiled the Holy Tomb — there is no acceptable explanation. Dimitri breathes rapidly, bordering on hyperventilation. Only the weight of Felix's hand on his shoulder and his head pressed against his back allows him to realize what he's doing. He's afraid to actually touch Felix in this state, but... Dimitri holds his breath, turning to face him and lowering his head to his shoulder, arms hanging at his sides.]
She's gone. She has been for a long time. Whatever they did to bleach the color from her hair took her soul along with it.
[But Rhea's rage towards Byleth... he's never seen her act like this towards him. Was she simply benevolent because Byleth stayed by her side? Is this what happens to people who decide to go against the Church--or Rhea herself?
Well, he'll think on that later. For now there's Dimitri, who needs him more than ever. At the shift, he moves to wrap his arms around Dimitri, pulling him close as he moves to thread his fingers into his hair, his heart heavy as Dimitri sags against him.
For now, he opts to say nothing. Any rationalizations are likely to fall upon deaf ears until Dimitri calms down, by the looks of it.]
[A few minutes pass in silence, Dimitri slowly regaining himself as he lets Felix hold him. It's a solid reminder that he isn't alone, that at least Felix isn't holding him at a polite arm's length. He just breathes him in, and eventually, he lifts his arms to hold him in return.]
Thank you, Felix, [he finally says.]
I spent a long time feeling like those memories were the only thing I had that hadn't somehow been tainted. Everyone keeps me at a distance, and I know that is what it means to be king, but it still — remembering that time with someone who had no idea who I was, to whom it didn't even matter who I was...
[He doesn't lift his head as he shakes it, briefly burying his face against Felix's neck before continuing, softer.]
[Felix had been planning out his rationalization of Edelgard's behavior as he feels Dimitri's breathing start to ease. But all those pretty words scatter into the cool wind as Dimitri speak words far too sweet for Felix's taste. Yet, they're bitter against a wound that'll never fully heal, effectively silencing Felix as he holds Dimitri close, throat seizing up as they further drive home the fact that Felix could have had this all before.]
I am, [Felix says, throat heavy as his chest as he squeezes Dimitri and presses his cheek against his hair, never mind how a certain wetness starts to drip onto it. If only he took the time to understand Dimitri then, could they have had a better ending instead of this ridiculous compromise against fate?]
[It takes another minute, but soon enough, Dimitri realizes Felix is crying. He pulls back enough to look at him, guilt rippling his brow. He brings his hands around to the front to cup his cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.]
[Felix shakes his head, forcing a smile as he meets Dimitri's gaze despite the trickle of tears that flow down still.]
It's nothing. I'm just, glad...
[That Dimitri came around as quickly as he did. That Dimitri is still here, and not a corpse in some goddess-forsaken battlefield. Hopefully, his efforts will still be enough to keep things that way, even with the future uncertain as it is with this change Byleth has initiated.]
[Dimitri can't help but feel that Felix is glad for something he shouldn't have to be glad for in the first place. But he swallows down the self-deprecating words he wants to say, leaning in for a gentle kiss instead. It's not something he should do in a public place and he knows it, but with everything being turned upside down like this, he can't work up the will to care about it. He lingers afterward, nose gently brushing against Felix's, indulging in sharing his breath.]
[And Felix indulges as well, sharing in that same breath as much as these limited days would allow them. In time, there will be no more opportunities for this, and if everything goes down as it did before, he'll also have to leave Dimitri to his fate in the capital.
All are facts he hates, but one thing he hates even more is the only thing he can do, which is to engage Dimitri in these fleeting exchanges, too transient for his taste despite how he knows it means the world to them. He'd give anything to make this a more permanent arrangement, yet the world continues to ask the impossible of him as it loves to.]
We... should help with the war preparations, [Felix says, hating himself for needing to be the voice of reason in this case.] I'll visit your room later in the night.
[The most he can offer given these times and conditions.
---
The monastery falls, just as did before. And just like then, Rhea "disappears", leaving everyone who sided with the church to flee and prepare for war. Later, Felix learns that Byleth disappeared too, a small sense of resignation overcoming him as reports of the Knights of Seiros scattering come too, frantic as they search for the missing archbishop.
Felix shares a tent with Dimitri as they chart their way through Charon territory, an imminent reality upon them as they reach the border. Dimitri must return to Fhirdiad, while Felix to Fraldarius, taking up their respective roles in the war that's coming their way. He's subdued as he turns in for the night, knowing that the morning comes with it a dreadful parting--one that he could not speak about no matter how much his heart clamors for honesty.
As Dimitri is way more busy with other things, it takes him a while to return, but by the time he does, Felix manages a feeble smile from where he's seated on his bedroll.]
[Dimitri is utterly exhausted. He spent those weeks after Edelgard's declaration just barely keeping it together, rarely able to sleep without Felix managing to lull him into it. More than once, he found himself muttering to his ghosts out loud without realizing it. His sanity is hanging by a thread, and he's painfully aware that he wouldn't have even that much if not for Felix holding him at night and Dedue forcing him to take care of himself during the day. He's more grateful for them than ever.
Despite everything, he manages a small smile for Felix, climbing in beside him and settling down to take off his boots.]
We have quite the ride ahead of us tomorrow, [he says gently.] You did not have to stay up.
[Felix rests his head against Dimitri's shoulder, taking the time to breathe in his scent.]
It'll be a while before we each other again.
[A while... being half a year or so. While Felix finds himself unable to speak the sentiment out loud, his face scrunches up slightly before he forces that smile on his face again.]
Seeing each other... won't be easy.
[More than any of them could ever imagine. Back then, Felix had battles to eagerly throw himself into. Now... he's not sure if he could manage the same vigor he did, especially without Dimitri by his side.]
[As soon as he has his boots off Felix is snuggling up against his side. It would be a lie to say that it's not endearing. Dimitri removes the rest of his excess gear as well, slipping his arm around Felix and pulling him down with him as he lies back.]
Perhaps not, but I am sure Rodrigue will allow you to come to the capital soon enough.
[Flushing slightly, he manages a grin.]
You remember the passages through the royal wing, don't you?
[Felix allows Dimitri to tug him down, and he adjusts to burrow his slightly into his bedroll before letting an arm drape over Dimitri as well.]
Of course.
[Despite the smile creasing his features, it comes off a little more choked than Felix intended it to be. But when he thinks about how he'll likely be unable to use them in this context anyway, it turns into an unbearable thought, one that has him pressing his nose against the crook of Dimitri's neck, somehow hoping that clinging to Dimitri like this would keep him here instead of the capital.]
[The words tumble out before Felix could catch himself. There are no take backs, so Felix just gives up and curls further into Dimitri's chest, biting down on his lower lip as he balls his hands into tight fists, trying his best to stifle the urge to cry.
Dimitri has to go. What if he suddenly decides he won't just because Felix said that? It's just as scary as the notion of Dimitri going anyway despite Felix pleading him not to, and at this point, Felix isn't sure what he truly wants anymore given fate's twisted desires.]
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cynicfelixity) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
amewsbox2020-01-09 12:53 pm
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"A history... ahh, she did say she stayed in the kingdom, did she not? And that her first love was a noble boy there..."
Byleth turns his head, shooting a small frown at her.]
...yes. But that isn't really relevant anymore on her end. She doesn't remember him.
[Still seeming somewhat put off, he looks to Felix again.]
Please, sit down. I'd like to hear once more about the coming months in the greatest detail you can manage. Then we can plan accordingly.
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So one deep breath later, Felix trains his eyes on Byleth and Sothis, and complies.]
This month, the Black Eagles class will be tasked to investigate ruins related to last week's attack. You end up falling into a trap there, though you do manage to gain some sort of power out of it. Edelgard makes her intentions publicly known in the next month, and stages an assault against the monastery shortly thereafter. After that... you disappear. And in the next month, Cornelia stages her coup.
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[He takes out a pocket calendar, sliding it over to Felix to allow him to mark the dates.]
If I cannot win her trust and persuade her to tell me her plans before she carries them out within the next two months, then I will have to side with her when she announces her intentions. I will let you know before our mission that month if that is the case — if so, then you will need to remain behind with Dimitri. Up until that point, I'm going to try to avoid too many changes.
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...You'll be a tough enemy. As with the rest of the Black Eagles--they'll likely join up with you.
[While the prospect of facing such a strong adversary would get his blood pumping another time, the fact that it'll likely result into unforeseen danger has Felix's mouth set in a grim line.
He's gone soft, hasn't he? All because of Dimitri...]
The monastery falls regardless. But the impact of you joining up with Edelgard should not be taken lightly.
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[As for the knights... unfortunately, he's not going to be able to avoid that. Edelgard will understand his desire to spare the students, but if he spares the knights, she'll question his resolve and cease to trust him.
He'll have to speak with his father at some point. Tell him to take his men and find some mission to go on. Byleth rubs at his forehead.]
Let's check in again next month. I'll let you know how things are progressing.
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[But he's only one person... and likely, will have his hands full keeping track of Dimitri in the chaos.]
I'll talk to you again next month, then.
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...good luck.
[What else can he really say? He's not one for sentiment, and for the most part, Felix doesn't seem to be either. Byleth rises to unlock the door and let Felix go about his business — which, as of late, seems to be sticking to Dimitri's side like glue.]
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At least he can still spare a day for Felix's birthday. It's a small bright spot in an otherwise bleak two months. His uncle really has torn the kingdom apart...
Not long after, Edelgard and Byleth prove to be treacherous, taking most of the Black Eagles with them as they flee the Holy Tomb. Rhea is a mass of tight fury as she makes the announcement. So much for Byleth being blessed by the goddess. Trembling with rage, Dimitri turns on his heel once she's finished, stalking straight to the training grounds to blow off some steam without a single word.]
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But if there is one thing he does know, it's that letting Dimitri out of his sight is something he cannot allow, moreso than ever. So he follows Dimitri into the training grounds, nevermind the aura of a wild animal he radiates as he stalks off.
With preparations for the monastery's defense at hand, the grounds are empty this time of the day, and Felix only speaks once he's sure no one else is within earshot.]
Dimitri...
[If Dimitri will allow it, Felix will lay a hand over his shoulder, an attempt at reassurance.]
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Her own mother... she knows, how could she —
[He hurls the broken tip of the lance at the nearest wall and it practically shatters with the force behind it.]
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...We still don't know the full story.
[Rhea... Felix does not remember seeing her act that terrifying outside the time they had to subdue her as the Immaculate One. It's a sight that chills him to the bone as much as Dimitri's rage, a matter which he is unsure he has any control over, still.]
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[She's attacked the monastery now, defiled the Holy Tomb — there is no acceptable explanation. Dimitri breathes rapidly, bordering on hyperventilation. Only the weight of Felix's hand on his shoulder and his head pressed against his back allows him to realize what he's doing. He's afraid to actually touch Felix in this state, but... Dimitri holds his breath, turning to face him and lowering his head to his shoulder, arms hanging at his sides.]
She's gone. She has been for a long time. Whatever they did to bleach the color from her hair took her soul along with it.
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Well, he'll think on that later. For now there's Dimitri, who needs him more than ever. At the shift, he moves to wrap his arms around Dimitri, pulling him close as he moves to thread his fingers into his hair, his heart heavy as Dimitri sags against him.
For now, he opts to say nothing. Any rationalizations are likely to fall upon deaf ears until Dimitri calms down, by the looks of it.]
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Thank you, Felix, [he finally says.]
I spent a long time feeling like those memories were the only thing I had that hadn't somehow been tainted. Everyone keeps me at a distance, and I know that is what it means to be king, but it still — remembering that time with someone who had no idea who I was, to whom it didn't even matter who I was...
[He doesn't lift his head as he shakes it, briefly burying his face against Felix's neck before continuing, softer.]
You're here now.
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I am, [Felix says, throat heavy as his chest as he squeezes Dimitri and presses his cheek against his hair, never mind how a certain wetness starts to drip onto it. If only he took the time to understand Dimitri then, could they have had a better ending instead of this ridiculous compromise against fate?]
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I scared you again, [he murmurs.]
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It's nothing. I'm just, glad...
[That Dimitri came around as quickly as he did. That Dimitri is still here, and not a corpse in some goddess-forsaken battlefield. Hopefully, his efforts will still be enough to keep things that way, even with the future uncertain as it is with this change Byleth has initiated.]
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All are facts he hates, but one thing he hates even more is the only thing he can do, which is to engage Dimitri in these fleeting exchanges, too transient for his taste despite how he knows it means the world to them. He'd give anything to make this a more permanent arrangement, yet the world continues to ask the impossible of him as it loves to.]
We... should help with the war preparations, [Felix says, hating himself for needing to be the voice of reason in this case.] I'll visit your room later in the night.
[The most he can offer given these times and conditions.
---
The monastery falls, just as did before. And just like then, Rhea "disappears", leaving everyone who sided with the church to flee and prepare for war. Later, Felix learns that Byleth disappeared too, a small sense of resignation overcoming him as reports of the Knights of Seiros scattering come too, frantic as they search for the missing archbishop.
Felix shares a tent with Dimitri as they chart their way through Charon territory, an imminent reality upon them as they reach the border. Dimitri must return to Fhirdiad, while Felix to Fraldarius, taking up their respective roles in the war that's coming their way. He's subdued as he turns in for the night, knowing that the morning comes with it a dreadful parting--one that he could not speak about no matter how much his heart clamors for honesty.
As Dimitri is way more busy with other things, it takes him a while to return, but by the time he does, Felix manages a feeble smile from where he's seated on his bedroll.]
Welcome back.
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Despite everything, he manages a small smile for Felix, climbing in beside him and settling down to take off his boots.]
We have quite the ride ahead of us tomorrow, [he says gently.] You did not have to stay up.
[But he's glad he did.]
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It'll be a while before we each other again.
[A while... being half a year or so. While Felix finds himself unable to speak the sentiment out loud, his face scrunches up slightly before he forces that smile on his face again.]
Seeing each other... won't be easy.
[More than any of them could ever imagine. Back then, Felix had battles to eagerly throw himself into. Now... he's not sure if he could manage the same vigor he did, especially without Dimitri by his side.]
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Perhaps not, but I am sure Rodrigue will allow you to come to the capital soon enough.
[Flushing slightly, he manages a grin.]
You remember the passages through the royal wing, don't you?
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Of course.
[Despite the smile creasing his features, it comes off a little more choked than Felix intended it to be. But when he thinks about how he'll likely be unable to use them in this context anyway, it turns into an unbearable thought, one that has him pressing his nose against the crook of Dimitri's neck, somehow hoping that clinging to Dimitri like this would keep him here instead of the capital.]
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[With a silent huff of a laugh, he tucks the covers of the bedroll around them.]
...you know, I still have that flower crown you made.
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[The words tumble out before Felix could catch himself. There are no take backs, so Felix just gives up and curls further into Dimitri's chest, biting down on his lower lip as he balls his hands into tight fists, trying his best to stifle the urge to cry.
Dimitri has to go. What if he suddenly decides he won't just because Felix said that? It's just as scary as the notion of Dimitri going anyway despite Felix pleading him not to, and at this point, Felix isn't sure what he truly wants anymore given fate's twisted desires.]
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