[Felix had been planning out his rationalization of Edelgard's behavior as he feels Dimitri's breathing start to ease. But all those pretty words scatter into the cool wind as Dimitri speak words far too sweet for Felix's taste. Yet, they're bitter against a wound that'll never fully heal, effectively silencing Felix as he holds Dimitri close, throat seizing up as they further drive home the fact that Felix could have had this all before.]
I am, [Felix says, throat heavy as his chest as he squeezes Dimitri and presses his cheek against his hair, never mind how a certain wetness starts to drip onto it. If only he took the time to understand Dimitri then, could they have had a better ending instead of this ridiculous compromise against fate?]
[It takes another minute, but soon enough, Dimitri realizes Felix is crying. He pulls back enough to look at him, guilt rippling his brow. He brings his hands around to the front to cup his cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.]
[Felix shakes his head, forcing a smile as he meets Dimitri's gaze despite the trickle of tears that flow down still.]
It's nothing. I'm just, glad...
[That Dimitri came around as quickly as he did. That Dimitri is still here, and not a corpse in some goddess-forsaken battlefield. Hopefully, his efforts will still be enough to keep things that way, even with the future uncertain as it is with this change Byleth has initiated.]
[Dimitri can't help but feel that Felix is glad for something he shouldn't have to be glad for in the first place. But he swallows down the self-deprecating words he wants to say, leaning in for a gentle kiss instead. It's not something he should do in a public place and he knows it, but with everything being turned upside down like this, he can't work up the will to care about it. He lingers afterward, nose gently brushing against Felix's, indulging in sharing his breath.]
[And Felix indulges as well, sharing in that same breath as much as these limited days would allow them. In time, there will be no more opportunities for this, and if everything goes down as it did before, he'll also have to leave Dimitri to his fate in the capital.
All are facts he hates, but one thing he hates even more is the only thing he can do, which is to engage Dimitri in these fleeting exchanges, too transient for his taste despite how he knows it means the world to them. He'd give anything to make this a more permanent arrangement, yet the world continues to ask the impossible of him as it loves to.]
We... should help with the war preparations, [Felix says, hating himself for needing to be the voice of reason in this case.] I'll visit your room later in the night.
[The most he can offer given these times and conditions.
---
The monastery falls, just as did before. And just like then, Rhea "disappears", leaving everyone who sided with the church to flee and prepare for war. Later, Felix learns that Byleth disappeared too, a small sense of resignation overcoming him as reports of the Knights of Seiros scattering come too, frantic as they search for the missing archbishop.
Felix shares a tent with Dimitri as they chart their way through Charon territory, an imminent reality upon them as they reach the border. Dimitri must return to Fhirdiad, while Felix to Fraldarius, taking up their respective roles in the war that's coming their way. He's subdued as he turns in for the night, knowing that the morning comes with it a dreadful parting--one that he could not speak about no matter how much his heart clamors for honesty.
As Dimitri is way more busy with other things, it takes him a while to return, but by the time he does, Felix manages a feeble smile from where he's seated on his bedroll.]
[Dimitri is utterly exhausted. He spent those weeks after Edelgard's declaration just barely keeping it together, rarely able to sleep without Felix managing to lull him into it. More than once, he found himself muttering to his ghosts out loud without realizing it. His sanity is hanging by a thread, and he's painfully aware that he wouldn't have even that much if not for Felix holding him at night and Dedue forcing him to take care of himself during the day. He's more grateful for them than ever.
Despite everything, he manages a small smile for Felix, climbing in beside him and settling down to take off his boots.]
We have quite the ride ahead of us tomorrow, [he says gently.] You did not have to stay up.
[Felix rests his head against Dimitri's shoulder, taking the time to breathe in his scent.]
It'll be a while before we each other again.
[A while... being half a year or so. While Felix finds himself unable to speak the sentiment out loud, his face scrunches up slightly before he forces that smile on his face again.]
Seeing each other... won't be easy.
[More than any of them could ever imagine. Back then, Felix had battles to eagerly throw himself into. Now... he's not sure if he could manage the same vigor he did, especially without Dimitri by his side.]
[As soon as he has his boots off Felix is snuggling up against his side. It would be a lie to say that it's not endearing. Dimitri removes the rest of his excess gear as well, slipping his arm around Felix and pulling him down with him as he lies back.]
Perhaps not, but I am sure Rodrigue will allow you to come to the capital soon enough.
[Flushing slightly, he manages a grin.]
You remember the passages through the royal wing, don't you?
[Felix allows Dimitri to tug him down, and he adjusts to burrow his slightly into his bedroll before letting an arm drape over Dimitri as well.]
Of course.
[Despite the smile creasing his features, it comes off a little more choked than Felix intended it to be. But when he thinks about how he'll likely be unable to use them in this context anyway, it turns into an unbearable thought, one that has him pressing his nose against the crook of Dimitri's neck, somehow hoping that clinging to Dimitri like this would keep him here instead of the capital.]
[The words tumble out before Felix could catch himself. There are no take backs, so Felix just gives up and curls further into Dimitri's chest, biting down on his lower lip as he balls his hands into tight fists, trying his best to stifle the urge to cry.
Dimitri has to go. What if he suddenly decides he won't just because Felix said that? It's just as scary as the notion of Dimitri going anyway despite Felix pleading him not to, and at this point, Felix isn't sure what he truly wants anymore given fate's twisted desires.]
[Don't go. It's not something he expected to hear him say, even if a part of him is right there with Felix in not wanting to go to the capital. A difficult path awaits him there, one that will be complicated enormously by the looming war. Childishly wanting to avoid that is only natural, but it's not a desire he would ever express.]
...you know that I must, even if I hate it as much as you do.
[Expected as the answer is, Felix could no longer hold back his tears as they rain upon Dimitri's shirt, which he clings to like a lifeline. He feels like he's eight again, pleading for Dimitri not to go back home and stay some more in Fraldarius so they could spend more time playing.
But now, the stakes are ridiculously higher, and Felix's reasons for wishing Dimitri to stay are far more legitimate. Yet like before, it's not meant to be, and once he manages some semblance of calm when his tears dry up, he swallows and takes in a small breath.]
[It really is like they're children again. Somehow, that makes it hurt all the more. They've regained what Dimitri had felt so certain was lost forever, and now they have to grow up, like it or not. It seems terribly unfair.]
I'll miss you, too, [he whispers, curling over on his side and pulling Felix tight against his chest.]
I don't want to go. It feels like we only just found each other again.
[Time is a cruel mistress just as much fate is, and Felix's inability to speak against either just has him resting resignedly against Dimitri, finding a hand to intertwine his with for the minute comfort it affords.
It isn't enough. It's never enough. But he'll indulge in it for as long as he can, considering it's all he has once everything he holds dear is snatched away from him once more.]
[There's something so defeated about that lackluster response, about the way Felix squeezes at his hand, and it breaks his heart. Dimitri scoots down until they're face to face, nuzzling in for a kiss, one that Felix meets with such urgency that it steals his breath away. He can't help but respond with equal desperation, parting his lips and pressing in closer as he pulls Felix into a crushing embrace. Though it sets his heart to pounding and warms his blood as it always does, there's a tightness in his throat, too, an underlying current of sadness that he can't ignore. It's like he's picking up on the sorrow that's taken hold of Felix. Even if it hurts, he finds himself wanting him all the more.]
[It hurts more than it should, and it's not solely just due to Dimitri's crushing embrace. But as always, there's a certain sweetness to this pain of keeping himself by Dimitri's side. Of trying to reach for this fairy tale ending whose path is not only paved with suffering, but is lined with uncertainty on all sides.
Against his better judgment, Felix moves to tangle his legs with Dimitri's. Pressing against his thigh, Felix moans softly at their continued contact, wanting more of it despite the delicate location they're in.]
[Delicate, perhaps, but not as much as it could be. Only Gilbert and the most trusted of the Blue Lions are nearby, and though it certainly would be polite to keep quiet for their sakes, none of them would even think of causing trouble over Felix and Dimitri's relationship. Even if they were the type to do that sort of thing, Dimitri can't bring himself to care about it. Not now, not when they'll be going their separate ways tomorrow, when the next time Felix sees him he'll have to call him "Your Majesty".
It's still winter, but Dimitri starts undressing anyway, squirming around as he attempts to do it without separating from Felix. But eventually he's forced to draw back to peel his shirt off, tossing his belt to the side while he's at it.]
[Winter may be approaching its end, but it's still far too cold that keeping his clothes on would be a good idea. But good ideas are far from Felix's mind, and he's quick to follow suit as Dimitri, shimmying out of his pants first before he carelessly discards his shirt to the side.
The cold that greets his bared skin is a sharp contrast to the warmth twisting in his core, but it's not unwelcome. Especially when it highlights the warmth radiating from Dimitri's proximity, a reassurance of the reality of this moment.
Once Dimitri is done taking off his pants, Felix tangles himself in that heat once more, groaning as he fumbles with their cocks, eyes dark with desire as he tries to align them before going any further.]
[Stark naked save for socks, they make a ridiculous looking pair. But they're both quick to entwine themselves again regardless, and Dimitri only pauses long enough to wrap them in a blanket cocoon before joining Felix in trying to press every inch of their bodies together. He barely even cares if they're properly aligned, desperately grinding against Felix just to feel him. Dimitri's breath comes hot and fast as he nudges his face into the curve of Felix's neck.]
Leave your mark on me, Felix, [he whispers.]
Leave it so deep it won't fade until I see you again.
[While Felix does manage some headway in his task, it's far from perfect. Still, it's hard to care when he's pressed so intimately against Dimitri anyway, and when he breathes out those words that bring with it a reminder of what's yet to come.
Felix grits his teeth against the familiar prickle at the corner of his eyes, his heart clenching at the knowledge that it'll be another six months before they get to see each other. At his inability to speak how much this parting will hurt him too as much as it would Dimitri.
So he swallows down the sentiment, and amidst his tears, he presses his lips above the crook of Dimitri's neck and sucks, channeling all of that hurt into the mark he intends to leave.
Felix only lets go once he feels his lungs burning dangerously at his lack of air, panting as he tosses his hair back and exposes neck to Dimtri.]
Claim me too, Dimitri.
[Even if it won't last as long as Felix wants it to, it's still something he could look back on, just as much as the ring that hangs around his neck, still. Given how weak he is in the face of what's to come, he needs it. Perhaps even more than Dimitri does.]
[It hurts, but Dimitri revels in it, a high-pitched moan keening in his throat. The mark Felix leaves behind burns even after his mouth pops off of his skin, and Dimitri hopes it keeps on burning for days.]
Yes...
[He wants nothing more than to do exactly that. The chain around Felix's neck distracts him momentarily, though, prompting him to press a tender kiss to the thin braid of cool metal. There's nothing gentle about the way he latches onto Felix's neck, though, attacking his lovely porcelain skin with his teeth as much as suction. It's enough to break the skin. Caught up in the moment as he is, Dimitri doesn't notice, continuing to writhe against Felix while he holds him by the throat like an animal.]
[Felix shudders at the kiss and what follows after, groaning as Dimitri's passion draws blood, squirming slightly against Dimitri as he wraps his arms tightly around his shoulders. It hurts as much as the knowledge that twists itself in his chest like a hot knife, but he does not bother protesting out loud, welcoming the pain that's very much real as the wonderful man he's tangled up with that moment.]
Dimitri...
[Felix speaks his name with reverence, a smile curving his lips despite everything, rubbing against Dimitri as he tries to forget about the impermanence of this tryst.]
[Eventually, Dimitri is also forced to toss his head back, desperately sucking in some air. Instinct has him aligning his hips with Felix more efficiently, rutting against him with everything he has. Once he catches his breath he slots his mouth over Felix's in a ferocious kiss. Despite the pain his desperation causes both of them, he can feel himself quickly climbing anyway, pushed higher and higher by the sheer intensity of emotion.]
[Felix would never guess it's still the cusp of winter and spring, what with the way Dimitri's body warms him. It burns, yet there's a masochistic thrill to wrestling with Dimitri's tongue, to chasing Dimitri's heat amidst the ache of desperation that twists his stomach into knots.
It seems Felix won't be able to forget what he wishes to, but this time, he finds himself okay with that. Losing himself in Dimitri isn't so bad, momentary as it is. And for what it's worth, their passions escalate and tip him over the brink, a deep moan rumbling his throat as his release washes over him. It renders him blissfully incapable of thought for the moment, his mind filled with nothing but the sheer existence of the man whose breath he shares that moment.
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amewsbox2020-01-09 12:53 pm
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I am, [Felix says, throat heavy as his chest as he squeezes Dimitri and presses his cheek against his hair, never mind how a certain wetness starts to drip onto it. If only he took the time to understand Dimitri then, could they have had a better ending instead of this ridiculous compromise against fate?]
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I scared you again, [he murmurs.]
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It's nothing. I'm just, glad...
[That Dimitri came around as quickly as he did. That Dimitri is still here, and not a corpse in some goddess-forsaken battlefield. Hopefully, his efforts will still be enough to keep things that way, even with the future uncertain as it is with this change Byleth has initiated.]
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All are facts he hates, but one thing he hates even more is the only thing he can do, which is to engage Dimitri in these fleeting exchanges, too transient for his taste despite how he knows it means the world to them. He'd give anything to make this a more permanent arrangement, yet the world continues to ask the impossible of him as it loves to.]
We... should help with the war preparations, [Felix says, hating himself for needing to be the voice of reason in this case.] I'll visit your room later in the night.
[The most he can offer given these times and conditions.
---
The monastery falls, just as did before. And just like then, Rhea "disappears", leaving everyone who sided with the church to flee and prepare for war. Later, Felix learns that Byleth disappeared too, a small sense of resignation overcoming him as reports of the Knights of Seiros scattering come too, frantic as they search for the missing archbishop.
Felix shares a tent with Dimitri as they chart their way through Charon territory, an imminent reality upon them as they reach the border. Dimitri must return to Fhirdiad, while Felix to Fraldarius, taking up their respective roles in the war that's coming their way. He's subdued as he turns in for the night, knowing that the morning comes with it a dreadful parting--one that he could not speak about no matter how much his heart clamors for honesty.
As Dimitri is way more busy with other things, it takes him a while to return, but by the time he does, Felix manages a feeble smile from where he's seated on his bedroll.]
Welcome back.
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Despite everything, he manages a small smile for Felix, climbing in beside him and settling down to take off his boots.]
We have quite the ride ahead of us tomorrow, [he says gently.] You did not have to stay up.
[But he's glad he did.]
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It'll be a while before we each other again.
[A while... being half a year or so. While Felix finds himself unable to speak the sentiment out loud, his face scrunches up slightly before he forces that smile on his face again.]
Seeing each other... won't be easy.
[More than any of them could ever imagine. Back then, Felix had battles to eagerly throw himself into. Now... he's not sure if he could manage the same vigor he did, especially without Dimitri by his side.]
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Perhaps not, but I am sure Rodrigue will allow you to come to the capital soon enough.
[Flushing slightly, he manages a grin.]
You remember the passages through the royal wing, don't you?
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Of course.
[Despite the smile creasing his features, it comes off a little more choked than Felix intended it to be. But when he thinks about how he'll likely be unable to use them in this context anyway, it turns into an unbearable thought, one that has him pressing his nose against the crook of Dimitri's neck, somehow hoping that clinging to Dimitri like this would keep him here instead of the capital.]
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[With a silent huff of a laugh, he tucks the covers of the bedroll around them.]
...you know, I still have that flower crown you made.
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[The words tumble out before Felix could catch himself. There are no take backs, so Felix just gives up and curls further into Dimitri's chest, biting down on his lower lip as he balls his hands into tight fists, trying his best to stifle the urge to cry.
Dimitri has to go. What if he suddenly decides he won't just because Felix said that? It's just as scary as the notion of Dimitri going anyway despite Felix pleading him not to, and at this point, Felix isn't sure what he truly wants anymore given fate's twisted desires.]
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[Don't go. It's not something he expected to hear him say, even if a part of him is right there with Felix in not wanting to go to the capital. A difficult path awaits him there, one that will be complicated enormously by the looming war. Childishly wanting to avoid that is only natural, but it's not a desire he would ever express.]
...you know that I must, even if I hate it as much as you do.
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But now, the stakes are ridiculously higher, and Felix's reasons for wishing Dimitri to stay are far more legitimate. Yet like before, it's not meant to be, and once he manages some semblance of calm when his tears dry up, he swallows and takes in a small breath.]
I know. I'll... miss you.
[More than words could ever express.]
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I'll miss you, too, [he whispers, curling over on his side and pulling Felix tight against his chest.]
I don't want to go. It feels like we only just found each other again.
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[Time is a cruel mistress just as much fate is, and Felix's inability to speak against either just has him resting resignedly against Dimitri, finding a hand to intertwine his with for the minute comfort it affords.
It isn't enough. It's never enough. But he'll indulge in it for as long as he can, considering it's all he has once everything he holds dear is snatched away from him once more.]
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Against his better judgment, Felix moves to tangle his legs with Dimitri's. Pressing against his thigh, Felix moans softly at their continued contact, wanting more of it despite the delicate location they're in.]
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It's still winter, but Dimitri starts undressing anyway, squirming around as he attempts to do it without separating from Felix. But eventually he's forced to draw back to peel his shirt off, tossing his belt to the side while he's at it.]
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The cold that greets his bared skin is a sharp contrast to the warmth twisting in his core, but it's not unwelcome. Especially when it highlights the warmth radiating from Dimitri's proximity, a reassurance of the reality of this moment.
Once Dimitri is done taking off his pants, Felix tangles himself in that heat once more, groaning as he fumbles with their cocks, eyes dark with desire as he tries to align them before going any further.]
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Leave your mark on me, Felix, [he whispers.]
Leave it so deep it won't fade until I see you again.
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Felix grits his teeth against the familiar prickle at the corner of his eyes, his heart clenching at the knowledge that it'll be another six months before they get to see each other. At his inability to speak how much this parting will hurt him too as much as it would Dimitri.
So he swallows down the sentiment, and amidst his tears, he presses his lips above the crook of Dimitri's neck and sucks, channeling all of that hurt into the mark he intends to leave.
Felix only lets go once he feels his lungs burning dangerously at his lack of air, panting as he tosses his hair back and exposes neck to Dimtri.]
Claim me too, Dimitri.
[Even if it won't last as long as Felix wants it to, it's still something he could look back on, just as much as the ring that hangs around his neck, still. Given how weak he is in the face of what's to come, he needs it. Perhaps even more than Dimitri does.]
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Yes...
[He wants nothing more than to do exactly that. The chain around Felix's neck distracts him momentarily, though, prompting him to press a tender kiss to the thin braid of cool metal. There's nothing gentle about the way he latches onto Felix's neck, though, attacking his lovely porcelain skin with his teeth as much as suction. It's enough to break the skin. Caught up in the moment as he is, Dimitri doesn't notice, continuing to writhe against Felix while he holds him by the throat like an animal.]
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Dimitri...
[Felix speaks his name with reverence, a smile curving his lips despite everything, rubbing against Dimitri as he tries to forget about the impermanence of this tryst.]
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It seems Felix won't be able to forget what he wishes to, but this time, he finds himself okay with that. Losing himself in Dimitri isn't so bad, momentary as it is. And for what it's worth, their passions escalate and tip him over the brink, a deep moan rumbling his throat as his release washes over him. It renders him blissfully incapable of thought for the moment, his mind filled with nothing but the sheer existence of the man whose breath he shares that moment.
Just the way he wants it.]
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