[Why is this so difficult?! Dimitri can feel his face heating up and he hasn't even said anything worth getting worked up over yet. It feels like his heart is beating in his throat, choking any words he wants to say. He stands ramrod straight, swallowing hard to try and clear that lump.]
I... am sure you have already guessed what this is regarding, but before I say anything, I want you to know that your friendship is more important to me than anything else. So... if you would like me to keep it to myself, that is what I will do.
[Felix closes the door behind him, and not too long after, Dimitri starts to ramble, a preamble to a statement that Felix knows in his heart.
Because he's also known that's the case for himself too for so long. Just that he refused to properly term it until it's all too late.]
...Go on, [Felix says, tone noncommittal despite the way butterflies dance in his stomach, more fixated on the unlikely possibility that he might be reading this wrong.]
[His voice gets softer, wavering slightly with the anxious thrumming of his heart.]
I have fallen for you, Felix. No — I think perhaps I have always felt this way, but I did not realize it. We were so young when we were still together all the time, after all. Being close to you now, though, I realize just how much you mean to me.
[Dimitri fixes his gaze on Felix's feet, worrying at his lower lip.]
[And as it turns out, Felix wasn't reading this wrong at all. Yet, being right comes with a confirmation he isn't sure he wants, especially when it drives home the realization that he could have, indeed, had all of everything he's yearned for when it was too late.
All it took was staying by Dimitri's side instead of spurning him.
Felix closes the short distance between them, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Dimitri's shoulder as he takes a shuddering breath, heart clenching at the bitter thought.]
...I have too.
[It's the simplest way he could phrase his feelings, distilling all that longing and regret into those three words as he lifts a hand to cling at Dimitri's shirt, hoping that these tears prickling at the corner of his eyes don't dare spill.]
[The weight of anxiety lifts as Felix steps in, and Dimitri gently envelops him in his arms as he's longed to do from the moment Felix opened his eyes again. Smiling, he rests his cheek on the crown of his head, so giddy that he almost laughs. But Felix's somber tone has that smile melting away, some of that giddiness shifting into nervous energy instead.]
...do our duties make it too difficult for you?
[He wouldn't blame him. The thought of having to marry some unknown woman when he feels this deeply for Felix makes him sick, but what can he do? After his philandering uncle has thrown the country into chaos, he has to do all that he can to give the people a sense of security again. Felix has time at least, Rodrigue is still alive...]
[Felix swallows as he wraps his other arm around Dimitri's waist, but his throat still feels heavy with sobs unspilled and words that have yet to be said.]
...Yes.
[Is his heavy response, though undoubtedly Dimitri is thinking of a different duty, one that is more obvious in this context. How much more is Felix going to change in this present? And if he goes down this track, would he actually be able to save Dimitri from the cruel fate that awaits him in a few months' time...?]
But I can't help it.
[Does he even have the right to consider all of this? Dimitri seems to think so, but it does precious little to ease the guilt he feels at thinking about it and acting on things in the first place.]
Neither can I, [he whispers, lowering his face to the crook of Felix's neck and inhaling deeply. Dimitri presses a light kiss to the corner of his jaw, not yet bold enough to kiss his neck despite wanting that very much. He strokes Felix's back, careful to avoid his injury.]
I cannot promise you the things I did as a child.
[It was so easy then. He knew he wanted to always be with Felix, so he just said that they should get married without hesitation. Now, he knows how impossible that is.]
Even so... would you let me stay by your side, Felix?
[Dimitri can't, and Felix knows. That marriage both of them wanted as children was nothing more than a childish fantasy, impossible by their society's standards and the duties that await them. But Felix can feel that both of them yearn for it, and he can hear it in the way Dimitri expresses himself and offers him the best alternative to what can never come to pass.]
Always.
[Despite the tears that have started to fall, Felix looks up to meet Dimitri's gaze, trying to smile through his sorrow. The otherwise reality is just too cruel, and having experienced it, Felix has no desire to return to it. That, he's certain about, and even he is far from blameless from what had come to pass, the urge to set things right overpowers it and has him realizing, perhaps, that this is the reason why he was brought back here in the first place.]
[The answer makes his heart soar, and though Dimitri's eyes reflect some of that sorrow, there's joy as well. He leans down to rest his forehead against Felix's with a small smile of his own.]
Thank you.
[Perhaps a funny thing to say when it's obvious they share the same feelings, but Dimitri knows all too well what he's asking of Felix. For Felix to be willing to endure that is something he feels he must thank him for.]
[An awkward chuckle--closer to a snort-- escapes Felix as Dimitri returns his sentiments. It's so surreal, yet this is as real as the way Dimitri continues to hold him close, watching him like he's the only one that matters in this world. Like this, it's easy to forget that Dimitri has his own ghosts to fight for, has shadows and turmoils that Felix isn't supposed to know about.
But perhaps, this time around, Felix could make Dimitri choose him over them. Proud as the thought is, it's a hope he clings to just as much as he does to Dimitri's shirt at that moment.]
Whatever happens... I'll always...
[...always love you, but Felix's chest constricts at those words as he nibbles at his lower lip anxiously, wondering if he should--or even has the right--to say such things out loud.]
[Felix trails off, leaving the rest unsaid. Dimitri thinks he understands anyway, though, and a big part of him wants to just say it himself — but knowing that legend about the Goddess Tower and that the ball is coming up so soon has that silly romantic part of him wanting to hold off for a little while longer. The way his smile softens his eyes says it for him anyway, as does the tenderness in his touch as he brushes his fingers over the smooth skin of Felix's cheek.]
Always, [he affirms, tilting his head as he leans in for a sweet, chaste kiss.]
[Just as Felix works up the nerve to say those words out loud, Dimitri plants a chaste kiss upon his lips, tender as the hand that cups his cheek and keeps him close. Naturally, it's something he sinks into, a sensation Felix thinks he could get used to as he indulges in the touch. He lets it say the words he's left unsaid, heart thrumming in his chest as he returns it as sweetly as Dimitri would allow, sighing softly into Dimitri's lips as he further presses his body against his.]
[Dimitri really did intend for that kiss to be a brief display of affection, but then Felix just melts into his arms and he quickly starts losing himself to it. How can he possibly resist when Felix slots against his body so perfectly, when it makes him feel whole in ways he never knew he could? The more their lips move together the more he wants, and the more he wants the harder it is to think. Soon enough he's tangling his tongue with Felix's, yearning so strongly for him that it aches. It's not until he finds himself pulling back to undo his jacket to cool his overheated body down that he remembers Felix's injuries, leaving him left to deal with unfulfilled desires all over again.]
Professor Manuela said you should be careful with physical activity for the time being, did she not...?
[It isn't until Dimitri pulls back that Felix realizes that the ache that goes along with their kiss is of a literal variety, one that burns across his back as a reminder of his limitations.]
Now... probably isn't a good time, [Felix says, breathless as he shyly casts his gaze to the side. He's assuming so much, yet he can't help it. Not when Dimitri is looking so flushed and especially not when he still remembers how Dimitri's hardness pressed against him as they urgently chased after each other's lips.
Still, tempting as it is to keep going, he knows he needs to heal up the best he could. There's no use for a shield that can't even protect itself, after all.]
[Dimitri swallows a frustrated groan. He should be happy just to have Felix return his feelings, but it's hard to not want more, especially when he can tell that Felix wants it, too. He indulges himself just a little more, nuzzling his face against the curve of Felix's neck, his breath hot and fast against his skin.]
Of course. You have a lot of work to catch up on too, I am sure...
[Yet, as torturous as it is, he thinks he wouldn't mind lingering awhile longer fooling around like this.]
[Now that's a lovely sound, one that he could definitely get used to hearing. Dimitri hums, clearly pleased.]
Just a little more, [he murmurs, giving in to the urge to mouth at Felix's throat. It naturally leads to nibbling the shell of his ear, then to another kiss, and before long he's backed up onto Felix's bed and pulled him in his lap. But he doesn't go further than that, even if the continued contact makes his head spin.]
I should... go back to my room, [he finally says in a husky tone when it feels like he truly can't take anymore.]
[It probably is for the best that Dimitri puts a stop to it when he does, considering how tenuous his grasp at self-control is getting. A shame, really, considering who is technically the older of the two of them now and should know better.]
I suppose, [Felix says as he climbs off Dimitri's lap, moving to sit next to him.] We still have classes tomorrow.
[That doesn't stop him from leaning over to kiss his jaw again when seeing him in profile view proves to be distracting. Goddess, does he really have this little control over himself?! Dimitri forces himself to stand up with a shuddering breath, biting the inside of his cheek to curb the temptation.]
[He really is hopeless. No, both of them are, what with the way Dimitri steals that kiss and how Felix pathetically colors afterwards.]
Good night, Dimitri.
[--
The next few days are more of the same--concerned looks from his classmates as they go about their classes, even if there's nothing different about Felix except for the way he sits out on their more physically demanding classes. Heck, even Bernadetta is asking him if he needs assistance with his things, making him wonder how much of it is personal willpower on her end or if it's something Byleth put her up to.
Well, that's for his classes. In between them, however, is Dimitri making up for lost time, often stealing him away when he can. While Felix does not mind, it of course comes with its own brand of complications, including people noticing. Dedue isn't as much of a problem given how he confines himself to suspicious frowns, but Sylvain is a whole other case, relentless in his teasing when he could manage it. Not even Ingrid could stop him, and in an effort not to draw too much attention to it, she gives up on lecturing him during their mealtimes, limiting herself to sympathetic glances in his and Dimitri's direction.
She does, however, warn them to be a little more discreet. Which isn't a problem when they're in Felix's bedroom, Dimitri's sanctuary of choice during the evening, where they continue with their doings during break time, and some.
At least until Felix decides to ban Dimitri after five days, given how distracting his presence is proving to be. That's on top of some close shaves he certainly can't afford during the recovery process. Lovely distractions as they are, Felix can't afford any setbacks in his healing, given what awaits them during the last week of this month...
Unfortunately for Dimitri, the distance does work, and Manuela clears him to do some light training two days later, then reluctantly agrees for him to go back to his regular routine after three. Around that time, whispers and giggles accompany talks of a certain prince's birthday coming up, a realization too belated when it dawns upon Felix that he has yet to prepare an appropriate present...
...One such thing comes to mind in light of his steady recovery and his observations during the White Heron Cup, and after a day's worth of mulling on it, he caves and asks Sylvain for some advice on what he was thinking of doing.
Surprisingly, Sylvain gives him some useful advice, albeit some that he's nervous about executing. But it isn't bad advice, and that's what has him anxiously waiting in his room in the same outfit that Sylvain wore as the Blue Lions' representative. As recommended by Sylvain, he had let his hair down for the occasion and, after some hesitation, stretches himself out just in case.
Given how long it's been besides stolen kisses, he does think Sylvain's theory of Dimitri snapping is more likely than it laughably seems.
Once he hears Dimitri's door close behind him, Felix checks to see if anyone is prowling the corridors before he ducks into the hallway and knocks on Dimitri's door.]
It's me, [Felix says, trying to keep the nervousness off his tone.] Could you let me in quick?
[Blissfully unaware of what's to come, Dimitri has a difficult time of seeing why he should focus on anything but Felix. He'll be an adult all too soon, and a couple of months after that he'll have to go back to Fhirdiad and become the king, along with all the responsibility that entails. He doesn't resent that responsibility, not really — he's glad to be able to help put the country back together again. After suffering through the instability from what happened at Duscur and his uncle's incompetence, he knows his people need him. That just means he has to seize the precious time he has left with all his might.
And that's precisely what he does. If any doubt yet remained about how much Dimitri adores Felix, he surely erases it in the time that follows, seizing the chance to be close to him whenever he can. Dimitri is quick to become one of those students that crams all of his classwork into the allotted time during class, skipping out on taking notes in favor of racing through assignments the best he can without doing them poorly. He knows his classmates take good notes, and he simply rotates through them asking to take a peek when he needs to. Dedue offers to just take them for him, but Dimitri declines, feeling too guilty using him like that when it's clear that he disapproves of his relationship with Felix for whatever reason.
Sylvain, on the other hand, is absolutely delighted when he catches them getting a little hot and heavy between classes, and he teases them about it whenever he sees an opening, including ribbing Dimitri for getting flustered over seeing Sylvain sashay around in the outfit he wears to represent their class in the white heron cup.
"Don't go looking at me like you look at Felix, I'm too shy." ... honestly!
His birthday is a quiet affair. Dimitri receives small gifts from many of the students, particularly the girls. Though he has no interest in anyone else at this point, he accepts them graciously. The professor invites him for tea in the middle of the day when he would really prefer to be running off to find Felix. Still, he can't deny that professor Byleth is a fascinating man even if he somewhat resents him for "stealing" Felix, so he goes along with it even if it feels like those strangely blank eyes are seeing right through him.
The evening is far nicer than the day that precedes it. Dedue and Ashe make all his favorites, and though he can't taste them, the gesture is appreciated. Sylvain sneaks in a little wine since he's "all grown up now", and Dimitri has two glasses, just enough to feel pleasantly warm without getting intoxicated. It keeps him from noticing what Felix and Sylvain are up to, so he's completely oblivious as he gets up to answer the door.
If his stunned silence and the way the doorknob creaks ominously in his grip are any indication, he is very much a fan of what he sees.]
[While Dimitri's reaction tells him everything he needs to know about how he's taking it--thus proving Sylvain to be right, always right when it comes to these things--Felix happens to be still standing in the hallway. A hallway that anyone could pass by, never mind how grateful he is that their rooms are by the far end of the corridor.]
Are you going to let me in or not?
[He thinks Dimitri will, but it doesn't stop Felix from demanding as an embarrassed flush creeps through his cheeks. At any rate, he's one step away from ducking back into his room and waiting for Dimitri to knock instead, never mind Sylvain's advice to do it in Dimitri's room.]
[Clearing his throat, Dimitri steps aside, red up to his ears. He can't stop staring as Felix steps inside, quick to close the door behind him. He reaches out to finger the ends of his hair, biting down on his lower lip.]
[Felix wastes no time stepping in, the tension in his hunched shoulders only easing once Dimitri closes the door behind him. Equally red up to his ears, Felix swallows before lifting his lowered gaze to hopefully meet Dimitri's.]
Happy... birthday.
[And if Dimitri does not object to it, he'll tiptoe in for a kiss, never mind how terrifying it is to initiate this instead of waiting expectantly.]
[What precious little restraint he has is rapidly evaporating just looking at Felix, having him lean in for a kiss is almost too much. Dimitri meets it with a small gasp, clutching Felix's shoulders in lieu of properly wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in like he wants to. He forces himself to break it off after a few moments, swallowing hard.]
Do you mean...
[Is Felix giving himself to him? It's such a cute gesture that he nearly doesn't know what to do with it.]
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cynicfelixity) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
amewsbox2020-01-09 12:53 pm
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I... am sure you have already guessed what this is regarding, but before I say anything, I want you to know that your friendship is more important to me than anything else. So... if you would like me to keep it to myself, that is what I will do.
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Because he's also known that's the case for himself too for so long. Just that he refused to properly term it until it's all too late.]
...Go on, [Felix says, tone noncommittal despite the way butterflies dance in his stomach, more fixated on the unlikely possibility that he might be reading this wrong.]
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[His voice gets softer, wavering slightly with the anxious thrumming of his heart.]
I have fallen for you, Felix. No — I think perhaps I have always felt this way, but I did not realize it. We were so young when we were still together all the time, after all. Being close to you now, though, I realize just how much you mean to me.
[Dimitri fixes his gaze on Felix's feet, worrying at his lower lip.]
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All it took was staying by Dimitri's side instead of spurning him.
Felix closes the short distance between them, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Dimitri's shoulder as he takes a shuddering breath, heart clenching at the bitter thought.]
...I have too.
[It's the simplest way he could phrase his feelings, distilling all that longing and regret into those three words as he lifts a hand to cling at Dimitri's shirt, hoping that these tears prickling at the corner of his eyes don't dare spill.]
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...do our duties make it too difficult for you?
[He wouldn't blame him. The thought of having to marry some unknown woman when he feels this deeply for Felix makes him sick, but what can he do? After his philandering uncle has thrown the country into chaos, he has to do all that he can to give the people a sense of security again. Felix has time at least, Rodrigue is still alive...]
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...Yes.
[Is his heavy response, though undoubtedly Dimitri is thinking of a different duty, one that is more obvious in this context. How much more is Felix going to change in this present? And if he goes down this track, would he actually be able to save Dimitri from the cruel fate that awaits him in a few months' time...?]
But I can't help it.
[Does he even have the right to consider all of this? Dimitri seems to think so, but it does precious little to ease the guilt he feels at thinking about it and acting on things in the first place.]
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I cannot promise you the things I did as a child.
[It was so easy then. He knew he wanted to always be with Felix, so he just said that they should get married without hesitation. Now, he knows how impossible that is.]
Even so... would you let me stay by your side, Felix?
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Always.
[Despite the tears that have started to fall, Felix looks up to meet Dimitri's gaze, trying to smile through his sorrow. The otherwise reality is just too cruel, and having experienced it, Felix has no desire to return to it. That, he's certain about, and even he is far from blameless from what had come to pass, the urge to set things right overpowers it and has him realizing, perhaps, that this is the reason why he was brought back here in the first place.]
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Thank you.
[Perhaps a funny thing to say when it's obvious they share the same feelings, but Dimitri knows all too well what he's asking of Felix. For Felix to be willing to endure that is something he feels he must thank him for.]
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But perhaps, this time around, Felix could make Dimitri choose him over them. Proud as the thought is, it's a hope he clings to just as much as he does to Dimitri's shirt at that moment.]
Whatever happens... I'll always...
[...always love you, but Felix's chest constricts at those words as he nibbles at his lower lip anxiously, wondering if he should--or even has the right--to say such things out loud.]
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Always, [he affirms, tilting his head as he leans in for a sweet, chaste kiss.]
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Professor Manuela said you should be careful with physical activity for the time being, did she not...?
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[It isn't until Dimitri pulls back that Felix realizes that the ache that goes along with their kiss is of a literal variety, one that burns across his back as a reminder of his limitations.]
Now... probably isn't a good time, [Felix says, breathless as he shyly casts his gaze to the side. He's assuming so much, yet he can't help it. Not when Dimitri is looking so flushed and especially not when he still remembers how Dimitri's hardness pressed against him as they urgently chased after each other's lips.
Still, tempting as it is to keep going, he knows he needs to heal up the best he could. There's no use for a shield that can't even protect itself, after all.]
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Of course. You have a lot of work to catch up on too, I am sure...
[Yet, as torturous as it is, he thinks he wouldn't mind lingering awhile longer fooling around like this.]
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...I can do it later.
[He really should not be encouraging this, but when Dimitri is so willing and Felix doesn't mind himself... it's challenging, as an understatement.]
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Just a little more, [he murmurs, giving in to the urge to mouth at Felix's throat. It naturally leads to nibbling the shell of his ear, then to another kiss, and before long he's backed up onto Felix's bed and pulled him in his lap. But he doesn't go further than that, even if the continued contact makes his head spin.]
I should... go back to my room, [he finally says in a husky tone when it feels like he truly can't take anymore.]
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I suppose, [Felix says as he climbs off Dimitri's lap, moving to sit next to him.] We still have classes tomorrow.
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[That doesn't stop him from leaning over to kiss his jaw again when seeing him in profile view proves to be distracting. Goddess, does he really have this little control over himself?! Dimitri forces himself to stand up with a shuddering breath, biting the inside of his cheek to curb the temptation.]
Goodnight, Felix.
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Good night, Dimitri.
[--
The next few days are more of the same--concerned looks from his classmates as they go about their classes, even if there's nothing different about Felix except for the way he sits out on their more physically demanding classes. Heck, even Bernadetta is asking him if he needs assistance with his things, making him wonder how much of it is personal willpower on her end or if it's something Byleth put her up to.
Well, that's for his classes. In between them, however, is Dimitri making up for lost time, often stealing him away when he can. While Felix does not mind, it of course comes with its own brand of complications, including people noticing. Dedue isn't as much of a problem given how he confines himself to suspicious frowns, but Sylvain is a whole other case, relentless in his teasing when he could manage it. Not even Ingrid could stop him, and in an effort not to draw too much attention to it, she gives up on lecturing him during their mealtimes, limiting herself to sympathetic glances in his and Dimitri's direction.
She does, however, warn them to be a little more discreet. Which isn't a problem when they're in Felix's bedroom, Dimitri's sanctuary of choice during the evening, where they continue with their doings during break time, and some.
At least until Felix decides to ban Dimitri after five days, given how distracting his presence is proving to be. That's on top of some close shaves he certainly can't afford during the recovery process. Lovely distractions as they are, Felix can't afford any setbacks in his healing, given what awaits them during the last week of this month...
Unfortunately for Dimitri, the distance does work, and Manuela clears him to do some light training two days later, then reluctantly agrees for him to go back to his regular routine after three. Around that time, whispers and giggles accompany talks of a certain prince's birthday coming up, a realization too belated when it dawns upon Felix that he has yet to prepare an appropriate present...
...One such thing comes to mind in light of his steady recovery and his observations during the White Heron Cup, and after a day's worth of mulling on it, he caves and asks Sylvain for some advice on what he was thinking of doing.
Surprisingly, Sylvain gives him some useful advice, albeit some that he's nervous about executing. But it isn't bad advice, and that's what has him anxiously waiting in his room in the same outfit that Sylvain wore as the Blue Lions' representative. As recommended by Sylvain, he had let his hair down for the occasion and, after some hesitation, stretches himself out just in case.
Given how long it's been besides stolen kisses, he does think Sylvain's theory of Dimitri snapping is more likely than it laughably seems.
Once he hears Dimitri's door close behind him, Felix checks to see if anyone is prowling the corridors before he ducks into the hallway and knocks on Dimitri's door.]
It's me, [Felix says, trying to keep the nervousness off his tone.] Could you let me in quick?
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And that's precisely what he does. If any doubt yet remained about how much Dimitri adores Felix, he surely erases it in the time that follows, seizing the chance to be close to him whenever he can. Dimitri is quick to become one of those students that crams all of his classwork into the allotted time during class, skipping out on taking notes in favor of racing through assignments the best he can without doing them poorly. He knows his classmates take good notes, and he simply rotates through them asking to take a peek when he needs to. Dedue offers to just take them for him, but Dimitri declines, feeling too guilty using him like that when it's clear that he disapproves of his relationship with Felix for whatever reason.
Sylvain, on the other hand, is absolutely delighted when he catches them getting a little hot and heavy between classes, and he teases them about it whenever he sees an opening, including ribbing Dimitri for getting flustered over seeing Sylvain sashay around in the outfit he wears to represent their class in the white heron cup.
"Don't go looking at me like you look at Felix, I'm too shy." ... honestly!
His birthday is a quiet affair. Dimitri receives small gifts from many of the students, particularly the girls. Though he has no interest in anyone else at this point, he accepts them graciously. The professor invites him for tea in the middle of the day when he would really prefer to be running off to find Felix. Still, he can't deny that professor Byleth is a fascinating man even if he somewhat resents him for "stealing" Felix, so he goes along with it even if it feels like those strangely blank eyes are seeing right through him.
The evening is far nicer than the day that precedes it. Dedue and Ashe make all his favorites, and though he can't taste them, the gesture is appreciated. Sylvain sneaks in a little wine since he's "all grown up now", and Dimitri has two glasses, just enough to feel pleasantly warm without getting intoxicated. It keeps him from noticing what Felix and Sylvain are up to, so he's completely oblivious as he gets up to answer the door.
If his stunned silence and the way the doorknob creaks ominously in his grip are any indication, he is very much a fan of what he sees.]
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Are you going to let me in or not?
[He thinks Dimitri will, but it doesn't stop Felix from demanding as an embarrassed flush creeps through his cheeks. At any rate, he's one step away from ducking back into his room and waiting for Dimitri to knock instead, never mind Sylvain's advice to do it in Dimitri's room.]
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[Clearing his throat, Dimitri steps aside, red up to his ears. He can't stop staring as Felix steps inside, quick to close the door behind him. He reaches out to finger the ends of his hair, biting down on his lower lip.]
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Happy... birthday.
[And if Dimitri does not object to it, he'll tiptoe in for a kiss, never mind how terrifying it is to initiate this instead of waiting expectantly.]
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Do you mean...
[Is Felix giving himself to him? It's such a cute gesture that he nearly doesn't know what to do with it.]
...are you mostly healed?
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